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Band 5

some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult need to be enjoyable. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #hobbies
Several
people
 argue that
hobbies
 with
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
difficulties
 must be enjoyed by
whom
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
 in to. I admit that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree about that in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of having a kind of achievement if we can enjoy the
hobbies
 which have certain
difficulties
 in the time we spend on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. But admittedly, it will be better if we have
hobbies
 which are
easily
Replace the adverb
easy
show examples
 to be enjoyed. On one hand, some
hobbies
 have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
difficulties
Fix the agreement mistake
difficulty
show examples
,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
painting. A good painting must be done with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 level of expertise.
People
 who admit painting as their
hobbies
Fix the agreement mistake
hobby
show examples
 should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
take
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extra effort to outcome an artistic painting.
For example
, they usually prepare
them self
Correct your spelling
themself
themselves
show examples
 with a
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 paint brush and sometimes they take some courses to enhance their skill in painting. It is
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
considerably by them because if they can achieve the goal
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outcome
an
Change preposition
of an
show examples
 artistic painting, they will be proud
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 them self in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of passing the obstacles.
On the other hand
, some
hobbies
 are
easily
Replace the adverb
easy
show examples
 to be enjoyed. Recently, most
people
 choose biking as their
hobbies
Fix the agreement mistake
hobby
show examples
. Not only because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 easy way of biking but
also
 the healthiness
that is
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 from biking.
People
 just need to prepare
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 bicycle and
outfit
Fix the agreement mistake
outfits
show examples
 for biking, and they can start to spend both
work
Replace the word
working
show examples
 out and leisure time
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
. In conclusion,
hobbies
 with
difficulties
 should be enjoyed by
people
 who have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it, whatever the conditions they have to face
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. But it is admittedly that the easy
hobbies
 will be more enjoyed
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 certain
people
.
Submitted by mutiahesti on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unique challenge
  • personal growth
  • mastery
  • accomplishment
  • demanding
  • thrill of achievement
  • pastimes
  • fostering
  • sense of community
  • mindfulness
  • stress relief
  • mental break
  • daily stressors
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