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Writing Samples
Band 5

The percentage of overweight children in the western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

#percentage #children #society #ten #years #effects #trend
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There has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether in the
last
Linking Words
 ten years the proportion of overweight children has gone up by almost 20%. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss some probable causes and effects of
this
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 quick change among western children. The primary factor we need to take into consideration is that in the modern world, almost all
food
Use synonyms
 is filled with hormones that cause a quick acceleration among kids. The hormones may make a young person grow faster,
become
Correct word choice
and become
show examples
 taller and wider than previous generations.
Moreover
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, fast
food
Use synonyms
 and fizzy drinks may have a terrible effect on children’s looks. The endless consumption of fast
food
Use synonyms
 and unhealthy drinks may have serious consequences, like being overweight at a young age. The drawbacks of being overweight at a young age are apparent.
Firstly
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, overweight children may have constant health problems.
For instance
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,
obese
Replace the word
obesity
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 may cause some heart problems and are unwilling to do sports.
This
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 may turn to
increasing
Change the verb form
increase
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 laziness and unwillingness to do any exercises for children’s health.
As a result
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, a kid may become overweight at a really young age
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will make him eat
food
Use synonyms
 without stopping because of a strong desire to eat something, which, undoubtedly, may cause perilous and scary problems with the child’s health. On balance, I would assert that if parents notice that their child is overweight, they should undertake some feasible solutions to make their child back as the kid was
enormously
Replace the adverb
enormous
show examples
. Because young humans are too small to realise
to
Change preposition
apply
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what effects obesity may lead and how torturous to have a lot of extra weight may be.
Submitted by oimigle on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • obesity
  • caloric intake
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical education
  • nutritious
  • psychological well-being
  • self-esteem
  • socioeconomic
  • healthcare system
  • life expectancy
  • obesity-related complications
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