Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Nowadays, there has been a notable surge in the depiction of
violence
across various forms of
media
,
inducing
Verb problem
including
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television and computer
games
.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
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some people believe that
this
trend carries alarming implications, others argue that it holds negligible sway over
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.Personally, I maintain the perspective that
media
violence
exerts minimal influence on human
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. First of all, I think that a community's
behavior
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behaviour
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is primarily driven by their personal motives and character rather than by what they see in the
media
.
Whilist
Correct your spelling
While
, it's true that individual factors play a significant role in shaping
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
, it's
also
important to consider the cumulative effect of repeated exposure to violent
media
content, especially on vulnerable individuals
such
as children or those predisposed to aggression.
Secondly
, competing programs and
games
could provide experiences when a similar situation comes. In fact, the development
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Correct article usage
a virtual-world
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virtual-world
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virtual world
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allows individuals to express their combative spirit and hone combat
skill
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skills
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in a virtual environment that makes them more confident against dangerous accidents.
Finally
,
while
individuals may be influenced by violent video
games
or cinema, especially with frequent and prolonged exposure, there are various recommendations and suggestions proposed to ensure their well-being.
For instance
, it has been observed that online
games
are now required to implement time controls for users, providing us with a
favorable
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favourable
show examples
opportunity to avoid potential issues.  In conclusion, I would confirm that
violence
in the
media
has no effect on people’s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. The social
violence
that happens in the real world depends on people’s character.
Media
such
as television and video
games
are not considered as the main factors that shape personal character, and they can be even useful in reducing the level of
violence
.
Submitted by trancaomaitrang on

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task achievement
Consider incorporating more concrete examples and research findings to strengthen your arguments. While your essay presents a clear stance, supporting your points with evidence could make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs. Use more varied linking words to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, creating a more seamless reading experience.
task achievement
You present a clear and well-defined thesis statement, articulating your stance effectively.
coherence cohesion
You effectively maintain a logical flow throughout your essay, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
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