IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugar #health #people
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In recent years many food industries
Add a missing verb
have product
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product
Replace the word
produced
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food
Change to a plural noun
foods
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 and drinks with
high
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a high
the high
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 level of sugar which directly affect
on
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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health.
Hence
Linking Words
 sugary goods should be made more expensive to motivate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people to use free sugar products. From
a
Change the article
an
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 economical point of view, if we consider the bad impact of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unhealthy
foods
Use synonyms
 on
a
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apply
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society , we will discover that the amount of money which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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spending
Wrong verb form
spent
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 to coverup these issues
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 much higher
that
Correct your spelling
than
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 buying less sugary things.
In other words
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, we need to spend a
lots
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lot
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 of money to heal a person
that is
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 suffering from
the
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apply
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diabetes .
On the other hand
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, in my estimation , I believe that
,
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apply
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one of the main solutions to reduce the
demanding
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demand
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of
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for
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 sugary products, is to increase
the
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their
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 price of them.
Moreover
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, governments should make a high tax policy on unhealthy goods , in order to
fore
Correct your spelling
force
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the
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apply
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manufacturers to stop producing sugary goods.
In addition
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, the elder generation who are suffering from obesity mention that, because
the
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of the
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 lack of knowledge , they lost their health, while most of them believe that , they would have had
better
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a better
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 life
,
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apply
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if they had used
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 junk
Use synonyms
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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. To sum up ,
Correct your spelling
overweighting
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over weighting
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overweighting
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 and other health problems which we are facing today ,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 because of the bad
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
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nutritions
Correct your spelling
nutrition
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.
Although
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 eating healthy
foods
Use synonyms
 and active
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
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life styles
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lifestyles
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 might be
a
Change the article
an
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Correct your spelling
little
alittle
Correct your spelling
little
 hard for
Correct your spelling
many
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may
Correct your spelling
many
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 people
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
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 the beginning, it will be easy after a while and many of them will
Correct your spelling
stop
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stope
Correct your spelling
stop
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 eating and drinking sugary
foods
Use synonyms
 and drinks.
Submitted by A.SALEHI.KOHESTANI on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
What to do next:
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