IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many countries not enough students are choosing to study science subjects. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?

#countries #students #study #science #subjects #effects #society
In developing countries as well as rich countries, there is a serious shortage of
students
 choosing to
study
science
.
This
 essay will clarify the causes and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consequences of
this
 problem. There are a few compelling reasons why
students
 are not passionate
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
science
 subjects. The
first
 and foremost reason is that many schools as well as universities were behind the times and slow to dismiss traditional ideas that girls should not
study
science
.
Sexists
Change the noun form
Sexist
show examples
 attitudes and traditional male preserve have negatively affected on choosing
science
 courses
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
, especially
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 are female.
Therefore
,
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should abolish selection procedures based on gender. There are many fields of
study
such
 ad business, management, or law that are attracting a growing number of
students
 because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 competitive interests. Those professions allow
students
 to have better chances of landing
high paying
Add a hyphen
high-paying
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in the future.
Besides
,
students
 after graduation could work for large corporations where they can climb
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the career ladder.
For example
, in
Vn
Correct your spelling
Van
, according to a recent experiment,
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20% of
students
 after graduating from high school choose to
study
 economics or finance. There are several effects
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 trend.Regarding
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
, people will lack trained professionals to find effective solutions to urgent problems
such
 as air pollution, water pollution, alternative energy sources or incidents development.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 more scientists will be needed to deal with climate change and meet the enormous challenge of global warming which are extremely difficult to solve. In terms of health, society and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 are in need of more qualified researchers to research
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a cure
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
a life-threatening conditions
Correct the article-noun agreement
life-threatening conditions
a life-threatening condition
show examples
. In fact, there are so many dangerous diseases that people need to add a lot of time and money to Research like cancer, diabetes or Alzheimer's. In conclusion, it is a disturbing fact that the sciences are not the
first
 choice of
students
, which leads to a lot of important problems. Governments should have effective policies to encourage
students
 to
study
 sciences.
Submitted by tvu051225 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: