Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?
There has been an assumption claiming that some scenes on television or in computer
games
that contain brutality
Replace the word
brutal
contents
would trigger several detrimental effects Fix the agreement mistake
content
to
our society, Change preposition
on
others
are adamant that it does not bring any remarkable influence. While many rationales are given behind Correct word choice
while others
this
proposal, I suppose that both
side
have Change to a plural noun
sides
its
own merits and demerits and I would like to Correct pronoun usage
their
further
elaborate both
Change preposition
on both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
on
my essay. Change preposition
in
To begin
with, an
primary reason which makes Change the article
a
mostly
Replace the word
most
people
conclude like the first
statement is that these kinds of films or games
can create some enthusiasm feeling making people
easily get addicted, which prevents them from performing well on
their study or work and later ruin their future as a consequence . Change preposition
in
Additionally
, once the posterities interact with this
unhealthy activities, it would spell out Correct determiner usage
these
for
many troubles. One of the problems is that they would think what the characters did is cool and start to imitate them, which greatly Change preposition
apply
affect
their lifestyle after. Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
However
, people
who stand for the other side also
have their own justification. Apparently, people
who are legally watch
these kinds of content must Change the verb form
are legally watching
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
be
mature Change the verb form
been
both
of
Change preposition
apply
physical
and Change the word
physically
mental
and Change the word
mentally
and
it is challenging to link them to the illicit Remove the redundancy
apply
behaviors
that flow from virtual life into the actual world. The majority of Change the spelling
behaviours
people
in this
age group only watch this
for enjoyment after successfully fleeing from Correct article usage
a job
job
or studies, or simply out of curiosity. The fact that individuals often behave according to their motivations rather than in response to Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
specific
movie or video game sequences is another important consideration. Add an article
a specific
People
with a good or enough educational background would already know what to do and what not to do, and those who are the opposite would maintain their initial goals. Take
everything into consideration, even if Wrong verb form
Taking
both
sides have their advantages, I think that the violence depicted on television or in video games
won't have a significant impact on the future generation. Their living situation and parents had the most impact on them. Without watching violent movies or playing violent video games
, they are likely to develop like such
if they live with an aggressive couple and several misbehaving children.Submitted by thaiannt on
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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion