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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the world today,how companies keep their empolyees happy? Express your idea and bring reasons, for example how salary,helath care and holiday can make employees happy

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Happy
employees
Use synonyms
 have
direct
Correct article usage
a direct
show examples
 impact to increase
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company's
Correct article usage
a company's
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 productivity. With keeping
employees
Use synonyms
 happy, they will voluntarily do extra
work
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 for a
company
Use synonyms
 which
then
Linking Words
 makes great revenue for the
company
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. To keep it,
Use synonyms
company
Add an article
the company
a company
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 can do
bunch
Add an article
a bunch
show examples
 of things like increase
salary
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, give
health
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insurance
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, give
bonus
Fix the agreement mistake
bonuses
show examples
 like
holiday
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
 and so forth.
Body paragraph 1
First
Linking Words
, let's talk about how increasing
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salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 can make
employees
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 happy. The main purpose of people
want
Correct pronoun usage
who want
show examples
 to
work
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 for a
company
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 is because they get
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salary
Add an article
a salary
the salary
show examples
 that they
Correct your spelling
thought
taught
tought
Correct your spelling
thought
fair
Add a missing verb
was fair
show examples
 enough with
amount
Add an article
the amount
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 of
work
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 they are contributing.
In addition
Linking Words
,
salary
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 is
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
physical evidence of
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a company
show examples
company
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company's
show examples
 appreciation
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
workers
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.
Increase
Correct article usage
An increase
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 in
salary
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 surely can make
employees
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 happy because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their contribution get more appreciation than the month before and
then
Linking Words
 they have more buying power than before.
Body paragraph 2
Second
Linking Words
,
health
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insurance
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 is actually primary
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
 for humans. It is a form of protection that we have if anything
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
us
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 regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
health
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 problems. By giving
health
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insurance
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 to
workers
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, other than
health
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insurance
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 itself, they can get protection and convenience while doing their
work
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 since they do not have to think about how if they get
Add an article
the disease
a disease
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disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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.
This
Linking Words
 will make
workers
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 less
worry
Wrong verb form
worried
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 and of course happier,
Body paragraph 3
Linking Words
Third
Change the article
The third
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 example is
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
Use synonyms
holiday
Correct article usage
a holiday
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bonus
Fix the agreement mistake
bonuses
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
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holiday
Correct article usage
a holiday
show examples
Use synonyms
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
. With
holiday
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Use synonyms
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
,
Add an article
a worker
the worker
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worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been burnout can refresh and heal their mind with the
holiday
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trip
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 given by the
company
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. Due to all
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 and
Correct your spelling
accommodation
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 paid by the
company
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,
workers
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 can feel
enjoyable
Correct article usage
an enjoyable
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 experience
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
holiday
Use synonyms
Conclusion
Overall, the
Use synonyms
company
Change noun form
company's
show examples
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
 to make
workers
Use synonyms
 happy will come back
positively
Replace the word
positive
show examples
 for both parties.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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