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Band 5

Some business prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree?

#business #offices #governments #places
•In our modern life, the majority of
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 forbid
to
Change the verb form
smoking
show examples
smoke
 for humans
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
anywhere
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communal offices
whom
Change the pronoun
who
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 work in some kind of
companies
Fix the agreement mistake
company
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. Few
government
Change to a plural noun
governments
show examples
 try to
banning
Wrong verb form
ban
show examples
smoke
 in all public offices and
companies
. From my point of view, the
government
 should
banning
Change the verb form
ban
be banning
show examples
smoke
Wrong verb form
smoking
show examples
 anywhere for everybody, because smoking is
extremely
Add an article
an extremely
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 terrible habit.
This
 essay agrees that, if the administration
forbid
Change the verb form
forbids
show examples
smoke
 it
really
Add a missing verb
is really
show examples
 beneficial for
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
. •On the one hand, if the administration allows
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
employees and clients to
smoke
 in public spots it
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
 harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
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 health and no
company
 wants its employee to enter the
company
 smoking or drinking alcohol because they do not work very well and
as a result
, the
companies
 budget can suffer greatly. So the
government
 allows
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adolescents to
smoke
 everywhere.
For example
 in my country, the
government
 do not allow them especially work in some
companies
, because our
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 budget is really depending on the performance of campaign workers. So the state prohibits smoking. •
On the other hand
, smoking is very harmful to
people
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people's
show examples
 health. If young
people
smoke
 cigarettes or use tobacco products,
first
 of all, it harms for
mentality
Add an article
the mentality
show examples
 of
people
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
damages
people
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people's
show examples
 lungs. So he needs to know
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 he is taking to his office as a worker and if
people
smoke
 cigarettes incessantly, they cannot imagine their life without them. •In conclusion,
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
 countries the
government
 forbid
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their citizens
smoke
Fix the infinitive
to smoke
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public places
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
company
 workers and I think it is one of the greatest
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to the development of the
company
 situation and even the country.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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