IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some say that this information may be relevant and useful. others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests #say
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Job
Use synonyms
 interviews are essential for a good relationship between an employer and employee as they allow one to know them better. Apart from our basic details and working experiences now most employers
also
Linking Words
 ask us about our personal
information
Use synonyms
 like hobbies, interests and marital status. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss and explain why
this
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 is useful in most cases and why sometimes not so relevant. During a
Use synonyms
job
Add a comma
,job
show examples
 interview employers ask about
Add an article
the
show examples
personal
information
Use synonyms
 to know better the candidate so they can assign him to a position
that is
Linking Words
 most suitable for him. Nowadays, it's very important to know about the interests and hobbies of employees so they can actually enjoy their time at work and don't get bored. It's been proved by researchers many times that people who enjoy doing their work get better results than those who don't find their jobs interesting. Knowing the marital status of candidates
also
Linking Words
 helps a business to pick the correct person for the
job
Use synonyms
. Many people who have children, find difficulties to manage their working life and family. Most peoples give
this
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 willingly to their employers so they can adjust their timetables
accordingly
Linking Words
. While the personal
information
Use synonyms
 asked during the
job
Use synonyms
 interviews is mostly useful but some people may find it a violation of their privacy and personal life. I think it's a matter of personal choices and no one should be forced to share their personal
information
Use synonyms
 if they are comfortable with it.
Submitted by gagan.josan420 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: