IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Study show that criminals have a low level of education. For this reason some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison, so they can get a job when they leave prison. Do you agree or diagree?

#study #show #criminals #level #education #reason #people #crime #prison #job #diagree
In recent decades, many researchers have argued that
criminals
 need to be educated while they are in the
prison
 to prepare for the time when they come out to society. Indeed,
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my mind, enhancing the level of
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system in the
prison
 is significantly important to protect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals from getting crimes. In
this
 essay, I would like to show
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how
reaserches
Correct your spelling
researchers
researches
 support
this
 view.
Firstly
, US International Crime Bureau has
Correct your spelling
researched
reaserched
Correct your spelling
researched
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how
education
 systems affect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prisoners in
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 to the percentage of recurrence of crimes. They found that the regular and repeated learning process to adapt
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the society in the
prison
 clearly makes the
criminals
 find a job or career for their own life outside of the
prison
. Since
this
 provides
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better understanding of social
Correct your spelling
activities
activicites
Correct your spelling
activities
 and how the world has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changed, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
prisoners
Add an article
the prisoners
show examples
 tend to keep economical activities after they leave
prison
.
In addition
 to
this
, the reason why the
criminals
 took illegal actions
such
 as murder and house or
bank-robbery
Correct your spelling
bank robbery
show examples
 was they didn't realise
that is
 an actual crime. The
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
 police department showed that
criminals
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
Correct your spelling
tendency
Correct article usage
a tendancy
show examples
tendancy
Correct your spelling
tendency
 to commit
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime because of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of
education
.
Such
 as drugs or unlawful injections used to happen in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
places which don't have schools or academic institutions around.
Therefore
, the department has
Correct your spelling
claimed
calmed
clamed
Correct your spelling
claimed
 that providing
Correct your spelling
education
edcuation
Correct your spelling
education
 programs in the
prison
 will improve and increase the quality of their outside-
prison
 life. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the notion that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments need to offer a proper
education
 program for
criminals
 to fit in a workplace or society.
Submitted by mix5777 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: