IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Harmful impact of violence in computer games , tv, movies and other activities on children . How harmful is the violence for the children. How do you solve the problem

#impact #violence #computer #games #tv #movies #activities #children
Nowadays, electronic
games
 become popular, and the phenomenon of some
games
 having a negative influence on children has aroused wide concern among various circles. In view of
this
 alarming situation, both governments and individuals have a duty to find ways to overcome these problems. Regarding the causes of the negative influence of playing electronic
games
, the screen of virtual
games
 is extremely similar to reality even more these days. It is similar enough to lead players to mix with the real world especially when
people
 spend too much time playing video
games
.
In addition
, some
games
 may use violence and crime to attract
people
 to play because, in the game, everything is legal. Players can actually try to rob a bank without any consequence.
This
 type of game will affect children's views about the real world. More and More violence occurring in school is proof of
this
. There are serval actions that could be taken to solve the problems described above. Governments should enforce strict policies for ranking the violence level of the
games
 and limits the
people
 who are able to buy them.
For example
, those
games
 that allow killing
people
 should be marked to level 3, and level 3 only allows
people
 who are above 18 can buy.
Also
, parents should constrain their children from playing electronic entertainment.
For instance
, set a time limit for their child to play
games
 every day which should be able to get the balance between playing and studying. Under
this
 line of thinking, electronic entertainment can bring us an amazing experience, but not without negative impacts.
However
, with the right action by individuals and governments, it can be alleviate the problem.
Submitted by frankyimp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: