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Band 5.5

The growth of online shopping will one day to all shops in town and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

#growth #shops #town #cities
The number of online shopping is increasing dramatically, so according to some, it would cause to close
regular
Change preposition
of regular
show examples
stores
 in towns or cities. In my opinion, I totally disagree because there are some reasons that traditional
stores
 retain their business. The social aspect of regular
stores
 is a good reason that the rise of e-shopping could not replace regular
stores
. There is
face-to-face
Add an article
a face-to-face
show examples
 interaction between consumers and retailers.
In other words
, knowledgeable and helpful sale staffs give information about products while consumers see the feature and
color
Fix the agreement mistake
colors
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 as well
finger
Correct word choice
as finger
show examples
 them. That’s why
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 shopping is a pleasure which some people consider as
an
Remove the article
apply
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entertainment in their leisure time.
For instance
, they spent time with friends in a clothing store to finger the material and try a cloth if
Add an article
the color
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color
Change the spelling
colour
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 fits with skin tone while sellers are speaking about the designer or the quality of
textile
Add an article
the textile
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. E_ shopping has some issues that’s why it does not replace regular
stores
. These issues are people mistakes, shipping and fraud which are big concerns for customers. It means an online retailer steers the money and pieces of data, especially the information
of
Change preposition
on
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 the credit card.
In addition
, customers make mistakes about the quality of the product or size
especially
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,especially
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 in
case
Correct article usage
the case
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 of
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
.
Moreover
, shipping is another issue for online shopping because it is sometimes as expensive as the item you order or if retailers send a product with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shipping, you will receive a damaged or broken product. In conclusion,
although
 some people think
fast growing
Add a hyphen
fast-growing
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 online shopping will be a leading cause of closing
stores
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cities and
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
, I totally disagree. Traditional
stores
 retain their business because
security
Change preposition
of security
show examples
 and social aspect of in-store purchases
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 are two important
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 of traditional
stores
.
Submitted by kazemifatemeh4 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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