IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family, and businesses. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #internet #smartphones #transfer #money #friends #businesses #development
In
recent
Add an article
the recent
a recent
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 a lot of
people
 use these apps
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
Correct your spelling
internet
insternet
Correct your spelling
internet
 and
smartphones
Change preposition
on smartphones
show examples
 to
transfer
 cash to friends, family or businesses.I think
this
 is a positive change, but it's a big opportunity for scammers, especially for
people
 who don't know much about the internet. On the one hand, it is forbidden to
transfer
money
 because it is dangerous. When you
transfer
money
 online, the password may be found by hackers, and hackers may break the password and
transfer
 it to themselves. Young
people
 understand
this
 situation and are careful. But in our country, elderly
people
also
 use us for
money
transfers
 and they don't know about it. In the past few years, there have been a lot of
such
 cases.
However
, transferring
money
 online has many advantages. At
first
, he used to go to the bank to
transfer
money
, where we spent time waiting in line.
This
 is not the case now, many
people
 are making pug
transfers
 through different cards.
This
 may be a more profitable option for some
people
, as they spend more time with their families than with different banks, which is the main reason why online
money
transfers
 have become
such
 an important factor. In
final
Add an article
the final
show examples
 analysis,
people
 should be careful about different types of hackers. But that's how online
money
transfers
 are useful.
Submitted by Premium Version on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: