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Band 5

Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more excercise and spend more time with their family and friends whereas now many suffer loneliness and health problems.What are the causes o this and what are some solutions

#experts #people #excercise #time #friends #loneliness #health
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Nowadays the prospect of problems in the senior communities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 rising up, they suffer more health problems and loneliness. Truth
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be told,
this
Linking Words
 has been a problem for a while and it can trace back to the effect of
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 lifestyle change in
Correct article usage
the industry
show examples
industry
Replace the word
industrial
show examples
revolution's
Change noun form
revolution
show examples
 era. Loneliness is the one of
Correct your spelling
psychological
phsycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 that can attack anyone no matter the age.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 case, senior
people
Use synonyms
 tend to be left out by the young because
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 centralized the world
now
Add a missing verb
is now
show examples
. If someone
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to afford a well-paid job and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
career development, they have to live in the
city
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
, the problem is living in the
city
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 cost so much money, if they want to save up some money they only can afford a small room to rent and they have to
work
Use synonyms
 from 9-5 or more every workday, sometimes up to point they forget to take care of themselves.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is considered not a proper lifestyle to bring
Add an article
a parent
show examples
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 to live with them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with the change of life view,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to be more conservative as they age so oftentimes there will be a clash between them and it is definitely an exhausting moment to feel.
For example
Linking Words
, in Indonesia
people
Use synonyms
 tend to live in
communal
Correct article usage
a communal
show examples
 and
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
near
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 because they
work
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the garden
show examples
garden
Fix the agreement mistake
gardens
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 and rice
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old age. But now, with the only chance to
paid
Wrong verb form
pay
show examples
 well by living in the
city
Use synonyms
, the family is spreading out, moving to
other
Change the wording
another city
other cities
show examples
city
Use synonyms
, and leaving their
childhood's
Change noun form
childhood
show examples
 home.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 another example is coming from Japan, which had
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 rate of suicide
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the old communities because
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 lonely they feel living alone
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
suburban
Correct article usage
the suburban
show examples
 era. The solution for
this
Linking Words
in my opinion
Add the comma(s)
, in my opinion,
show examples
 is to
decentralizing
Wrong verb form
decentralise
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 opportunities and pay more amenable
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the workers, so it will reach out more into
small
Add an article
a small
the small
show examples
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 and they do not have to move out just to
work
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 big cities which could make another kind of problem in the future. In conclusion, loneliness is
inevitable
Correct article usage
an inevitable
show examples
 disease
Remove the article
apply
show examples
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 it
caused
Add a missing verb
is caused
show examples
 by
complex
Add an article
the complex
show examples
 cause of
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 to
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 in the
city
Use synonyms
 and leaving their
childhood's
Change noun form
childhood
show examples
 home. To solve
this
Linking Words
, the government can start by making the
workfield
Correct your spelling
work field
 more
decentralize
Wrong verb form
decentralised
show examples
 into
small
Add an article
a small
the small
show examples
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
.
Submitted by ftm.zahroh on

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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