Some people say that self employment is better than a job in a country or an institution. Discuss both modes of work and give your opinion.

#people #self #employment #job #country #institution #modes #work

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Several folks say that

self-employment

is better than a normal 9-5 career in a company owned by a country or an institution. In my opinion, I disagree with

this

because it has its

benefit

Fix the agreement mistake

benefits

show examples

and

risk

Fix the agreement mistake

risks

show examples

also

, it depends on many factors behind it. Working as a

self

Correct your spelling

self-employed

show examples

employee whether it is an in-

home

business or technology-related business that can be done from

home

, has its perks from not having to spare money for living costs especially if you are still living with your parent, transportation, and meal costs.

Although

Correct word choice

However

show examples

self-employment

is harder to do if you dislike working by yourself and it is already proven that working from

home

has longer and unidentifiable working hours,

thus

, making the workers prone to

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

stress

easier

Rephrase

apply

show examples

. The wage for

self-employment

also

oftentimes is not stable and has a higher risk if they get played by the clients.

On the other hand

, working a normal 9-5 career even if it is costlier than from

home

, has its perks like a stable income, interacting with coworkers, and having a chance to go outside from

home

and have a relaxing time after

work

hours end.

Furthermore

besides

being costlier, another flaw of

this

type of

work

is that if you have an atrocious boss or coworkers, you can suffer from it because there are many cases of

work

power abuse and harassment that push the workers to quit. An example of

this

is in one of the national universities in Indonesia, there is power abuse by the rectorate to the professors because they do not want to graduate a doctorate applicant.

This

happens because, for the professors, the candidate

does

Verb problem

show examples

not

legible

Correct your spelling

eligible

show examples

to graduate yet and it's already backed up by logical reasons, but from the start, the rectorate wants the applicant to graduate because they already got paid by the candidate.

To sum up

, I disagree that

self-employment

is better than a normal job because

besides

depending on people which they prefer the most.

Moreover

, I

also

think that having a normal, stable job and proper

work

hours is way more important and secure.

Submitted by ftm.zahroh on Thu Dec 08 2022

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coherence cohesion

The essay provides an adequate structure and addresses the prompt but lacks clarity in presenting comprehensive ideas and supporting examples. The introduction and conclusion should be more explicitly presented and tied to the main points.

task achievement

The essay adequately responds to the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of both self-employment and 9-5 careers. However, the ideas should be more closely related to the topic and provide clearer arguments to support the opinion.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

351 words

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Some people say that self employment is better than a job in a country or an institution. Discuss both modes of work and give your opinion.

Some people think the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same job. What problemes does this came? What are some possibles solutions?

The international community must act immediately to ensure all nations to reduce their consumption of fossil fuels e.g. gas and oil.To what extent do you agree/ disagree?

Despite a large number of gyms , a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this ? What solutions can you suggest?