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Band 4

In many large cities, people waste hours of their time every day because of traffic congestion on the roads. What are the cause of this? What solution can you suggest?

#cities #people #waste #hours #time #traffic #congestion #roads
Nowadays, many
people
 who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in big or capital cities have suffered from
transport
 every day
due to
 the problems of traffic congestion, which is leading to mental health.
This
 essay will discuss the reasons why
this
 is
happing
Verb problem
happening
show examples
 and put forward several solutions for
this
 time. On the one hand, there are two main reasons why traffic congestion has occurred. One of the significant causes of
this
 is that the number of personal cars has increased over time.
Therefore
, public
transport
 has the lowest quality in many sectors.
For example
, some buses are used that do not have to
repair
Wrong verb form
be repaired
show examples
 over one decade, resulting
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 standard of vehicles
was
Replace the word
being
show examples
 substantially damaged.
For
this
 reason, citizens are not confident
to use
Change preposition
in using
show examples
 them so they
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 to travel by their car.
Secondly
, the price of eco-cars
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 more inexpensive than in the past so everybody can afford them without spending a lot of money.
Moreover
, customers have alternatives for buying an automobile. To find solutions to these problems, it is essential for the
government
 to manage policy. First of all, the
government
 should modify the quality of public
transport
 by spending a lot of budget
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 developing
transport
 equipment
such
 as subway, railway, and bus and create advertisements to encourage
people
 to use them.
Then
, the
government
 collects a higher tax on
people
 who have cars than those of
people
 who use transportation.
As a result
, these solutions will help humankind to avoid traffic jams that
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
waste time by unnecessary and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the second meaning that are reduce global warming. In conclusion, I firmly believe that if the
government
 implements some suggestions, I have mentioned above, these issues will be reduced.
Submitted by itemtofan on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion that directly address the question and wrap up the discourse, respectively. Incorporating a thesis statement in the introduction and summarizing the main ideas succinctly in the conclusion are necessary for a higher score.
logical structure
The overall structure of the essay is somewhat unclear and paragraphs do not seem to be well planned. Main points require clearer development and transition between them for a logical flow. Use cohesive devices and topic sentences to enhance clarity.
complete response
While the task is somewhat addressed, the response does not fully develop the reasons for traffic congestion or the solutions. More depth and detail in these areas are needed. Balance between cause and solution can be improved.
supported main points
The points supporting the main argument need development. Use more specific examples and explanations to elaborate on the causes of traffic congestion and the solutions. This will significantly enhance the quality of the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented need to be articulated more clearly and comprehensively. Aim to clarify the connection between ideas, use appropriate examples and enhance explanation to fully develop each point.
relevant specific examples
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. The lack of detailed examples weakens the essay's persuasion and hinders the demonstration of your understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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