IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Water is a natural resource that should always be free. Governments should ban the sale of bottled water. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, some people believe that
water
Use synonyms
 is a natural resource that should be free for everyone. The state should prohibit the sale of
packed
Replace the word
packaged
show examples
water
Use synonyms
. I disagree with the given statement.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, most companies clean
water
Use synonyms
 with many filters and add some minerals that are required in the human body before packing it,
while
Linking Words
 the
tape
Use the right word
tap
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 contains a number of gems and bacteria, which can spread the disease to humans and animals when they drink it.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Correct article usage
the 90’s
show examples
90’s
Correct your spelling
90s
 the disease known as cholera spread throughout the whole of England and killed numerous
of
Check wording
members of
show examples
 the population. It is
founded
Verb problem
found
show examples
 that
this
Linking Words
 disease spread through the tap
water
Use synonyms
 that came from the drinking
water
Use synonyms
 fountains.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the government decide to ban bottled
water
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
many families
lost
Wrong verb form
will lose
show examples
 their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. To explain, there are a lot of employees
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 work in the package
water
Use synonyms
 industry, and because of the
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
ban
all
Punctuation problem
, all
show examples
 these individuals become unemployed.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the authority earns a portion of the tax from
this
Linking Words
 industry.
For instance
Linking Words
, a report by the
ministry
Fix capitalization
Ministry
show examples
 of India revealed that the
refine
Replace the word
refining
show examples
 and
package
Replace the word
packaging
show examples
 industry gives employment to a thousand
public
Check wording
people
show examples
 and plays a significant role in the nation's
GDP
Punctuation problem
GDP,
show examples
 as the union applied 25% of tax on it. In conclusion, I disagree with the statement because bottled
water
Use synonyms
 has numerous
benefits
Punctuation problem
benefits,
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
it provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 employment to jobless people and
also
Linking Words
 increasing the GDP of the country.
In addition
Linking Words
, it
is fulfilling
Wrong verb form
fulfils
show examples
 the demand for minerals and gives refined
water
Use synonyms
 to society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a clear main view in the intro and keep it in the body with one idea per paragraph.
coherence
Use simple links to show flow, like 'also', 'but', and 'then'.
grammar
Check writing stay simple and fix small grammar errors (e.g., 'tap water' not 'tape water').
examples
Use 2–3 real, simple examples that fit your point and explain how they show your idea.
strength
Clear view on the topic.
structure
Paragraphs are used to show ideas.
content
Some examples are given to back points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Water
  • Natural resource
  • Free
  • Governments
  • Ban
  • Sale
  • Bottled water
  • Access
  • Clean
  • Inequality
  • Profit
  • Pollution
  • Environmental
  • Concern
  • Community
  • Health
  • Disease
  • Alternative
  • Public
  • Support
What to do next:
Look at other essays: