IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that having a set retirement age (eg- 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which type of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

#people #retirement #age #eg- #years #everybody #occupation #workers #pension #type #benefit
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Any workforce member should retire in one day. Many people
saying
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that there is no need to
fixing
Wrong verb form
fix
show examples
Use synonyms
retirement
Correct article usage
the retirement
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 for any employer except
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 job title. They expect some job categories would set out their pension earlier
age
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and explain
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the reasons
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
below.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, all
emploees
Correct your spelling
employees
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 some career plans. Some people planing that they should retire
some
Change preposition
at some
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 which is before the standard
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
.
As a
Linking Words
result
Use synonyms
, they are collecting some money for their
retirement
Use synonyms
 life and sometimes they completed future career opportunities for doing in
retirement
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, Teachers
some
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are teaching in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Government schools are doing
private
Add an article
a private
the private
show examples
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 as possible,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
collecting
Change the form of the verb
collect
show examples
 more money for their future elder lift.
As a
Linking Words
result
Use synonyms
, they are applying the
retirement
Use synonyms
 in their mid-ages and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
joining
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private schools
under
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher wages.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some workers are unable to work till
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 as jobs
are want
Change the verb form
want
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good health in mind and body.
As a
Linking Words
result
Use synonyms
, elders are unable to conclude
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
careers, as they must be retiring and
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
show examples
 will be
carry
Wrong verb form
carrying
show examples
 on those responsibilities.
For instance
Linking Words
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 drivers who are working with
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
experience
Add an article
the experience
show examples
 who are joining the before decades.
However
Linking Words
, as we know when we
driving
Wrong verb form
drive
show examples
 the vehicle
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the road driver must be in good health status in body and mind. But drivers are going to
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 they are facing some difficulties with hearing and seeing.
As a
Linking Words
result
Use synonyms
, needs to grant
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
permission
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 earlier
retirement
Use synonyms
 for
those one
Change the determiner
that one
those ones
show examples
while
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 they will face an accident. To sum up, pension
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 earlier
age
Use synonyms
 is most beneficial for some careers.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Submitted by thanujadula on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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