IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this?

#places #homes #space #countryside #people
A lot of
area
Change to a plural noun
areas
show examples
 are suitable for building new homes, which are necessary for
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
 population. Despite the fact that was mentioned above part of citizens
consider
Change the verb form
considers
show examples
, that it is more significant to save the
countryside
 and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not allow to build new constructions there. In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss
approach
Correct article usage
the approach
show examples
, which
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
save
Change the verb form
saving
show examples
nature
Correct article usage
the nature
show examples
 of
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 while building new
houses
.
To begin
 with, cities are developing nowadays that demands to
Add an article
the extent
an extent
show examples
extent
Replace the word
extend
show examples
 their own
area
.
Firstly
, it happens when
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 number of
people
 increase
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 long time,
therefore
 the need to have new accommodations.
Secondly
, modern
manufactures
Replace the word
manufacturers
show examples
 appearance in
Correct article usage
the suburban
show examples
suburban
Replace the word
suburbs
show examples
 that cause a lot of workers and service staff, who need to be provided
houses
Change preposition
with houses
show examples
 which are close to their work.
Finally
, many want to live in private
houses
, which can be constructed only in the
countryside
, because of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of places in the centre city.
However
,
people
 should not
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
forget about
nature
, which is in the suburb. Designers and
civils
Correct your spelling
civil
show examples
 engineers must realize
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 necessity to save forests and
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 and create compromise conditions for both new citizens and
nature
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
Hence
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
this
, new
houses
 should be built according to using new technologies
such
 as
sun
Replace the word
solar
show examples
 power panels on the roofs, safe water stations etc.
Moreover
,
people
 should reduce
area
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 using high
houses
 for new citizens. To sum up,
people
 can build new homes and
houses
 in the
countryside
,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 they must think about
nature
 and try to save it as much as possible.
Submitted by alex.i.leontev on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Ecological benefits
  • Biodiversity conservation
  • Carbon sequestration
  • Sustainable development
  • Eco-friendly building materials
  • Green architecture
  • Government policies
  • Urban sprawl
  • Infrastructure
  • Smart planning
  • Agricultural lands
  • Rural areas
  • Population growth
  • Environmental sensitivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: