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Writing Samples /
Band 2

The percentage of overweight children in Western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.

#percentage #children #society #ten #years
In the
last
 decade, the proportion of overweight youngsters in Western nations has risen
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 20%. The main causes behind
this
 trend are that children have no time to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exercise, eat a lot of junk food and lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
drinking water.
Moreover
, the most significant consequence of
this
 situation is that these individuals are having health problems. In
this
 case, many children like to consume junk food. They like to eat fast food because the price is affordable for young people.
In these
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These
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 meals contain
high
Add an article
a high
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of sugar, carbohydrate, fat and sodium.
On the other hand
, they do not do exercise.
This
 activity can help
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 body stay healthy, but many young people still do not realise
about
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apply
show examples
this
. Their parents should know about the
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 of exercise and they can be a good example for their children. The consequence of
this
 situation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 having health
problem
Change the noun form
problems
show examples
such
 as diabetes, asthma,
heartbun
Correct your spelling
heartburn
 and lack of nutrition. They will realise when they start having problems in their body.
Submitted by viraandayani5 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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