The percentage of overweight children in Western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.

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In the
last
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

decade, the proportion of overweight youngsters in Western nations has risen
about
Change preposition
by about

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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20%. The main causes behind
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

trend are that children have no time to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb do appears to be unnecessary here.

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exercise, eat a lot of junk food and lack
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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drinking water.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the most significant consequence of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

situation is that these individuals are having health problems. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

case, many children like to consume junk food. They like to eat fast food because the price is affordable for young people.
In these
Change preposition
These

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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meals contain
high
Add an article
a high

The noun phrase high amount seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts

It seems that amount may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of sugar, carbohydrate, fat and sodium.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they do not do exercise.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

activity can help
human
Correct article usage
the human

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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body stay healthy, but many young people still do not realise
about
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

. Their parents should know about the
important
Replace the word
importance

The word important doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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of exercise and they can be a good example for their children. The consequence of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

situation
are
Change the verb form
is

The plural verb are does not appear to agree with the singular subject consequence. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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having health
problem
Change the noun form
problems

The form of the noun problem does not appear to be correct when used before the phrase such as. Consider changing the noun form.

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such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as diabetes, asthma,
heartbun
Correct your spelling
heartburn

If you don’t want heartbun to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and lack of nutrition. They will realise when they start having problems in their body.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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