IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

MODERN SOCIETIES NEED SPECIALISTS IN CERTAIN FIELDS, BUT NOT OTHERS. SOME PEOPLE, THEREFORE, THINK THAT GOVERNMENTS SHOULD PAY UNIVERSITY FEES FOR STUDENT WHO STUDY SUBJECTS THAT ARE NEEDED BY SOCIETY. THOSE WHO CHOOSE TO STUDY LESS RELEVANT SUBJECTS SHOULD NOT RECEIVE THE GOVERNMENT FUNDING. WOULD THE ADVANTAGES OF SUCH AN EDUCATIONAL POLICY OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

#societies #specialists #fields #people #governments #university #fees #student #study #subjects #society #government #policy
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Education is a key to
open
Replace the word
opening
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modernization
Correct article usage
the modernization
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 gate. In
this
 essay, I will explain why any
courses
 at university give a great benefit for all citizens
overshadow
Correct word choice
and overshadow
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 the potential drawbacks. All programs at universities have
vision
Correct article usage
a vision
show examples
gives
Correct pronoun usage
that gives
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 good contribution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
society
. No matter what the course is the result will
back
Add a missing verb
be back
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 to civilization. Finance
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
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 mostly
relate
Change the verb form
relates
show examples
 to
private
Add an article
the private
show examples
 sector which looking for profit, but the result of
this
 activity contributed
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 finance flow
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
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 running in the market. Modern societies not only need specialization in some fields but all fields. One person
has
Correct pronoun usage
who has
show examples
 specialization in one field does not mean capable to handle problems in other fields.
Furthermore
, not all people have many chances to choose their programmes, while their vision
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 help
society
Replace the word
social
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 issues. It is discriminating to not accept someone not graduated from specific programs only not in line with
society
needed
Wrong verb form
needs
show examples
. On the one hand, since all
courses
 are important, students from any
courses
Fix the agreement mistake
course
show examples
 shall have fair distribution for funding. Whether it will be selected by their potential or economies. Somehow someone
has
Correct pronoun usage
who has
show examples
 a bigger vision to improve
society
 did not come from
person
Correct article usage
a person
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graduated
Correct pronoun usage
who graduated
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
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specific
Correct article usage
a specific
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 degree.
Student
Fix the agreement mistake
Students
show examples
 from finance programs could be had
ability
Change the article
the ability
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 to become the
next
 ministry and rule
regulatory
Replace the word
regulations
show examples
 to make
Correct article usage
the country
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country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 financial growth. Government taxes
applicable
Add a missing verb
are applicable
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 anyone from any position so everyone has the same
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to get
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education funding. In conclusion, everyone has the same
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to get education funding because all
courses
 will give a great contribution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
show examples
.
Therefore
, I remain firmly convinced that the drawbacks
eclipsed
Add a missing verb
are eclipsed
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the benefits.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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