IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

For some people, consumer goods have become the most important thing in life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

For some people, consumer goods have become the most important thing in life
, in
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. In
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this
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 essay, I'll discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
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this
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apply
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this
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 topic. Consumerism has become one of our modern day diseases that affected a large segments of societies, a wide range of people live to consume, regardless of their actual needs, whether they need
this
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 item or not, rushed by insane desire
that is
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 fed by the massive advertisement industry, using the latest technologies of the artificial intelligence to track the personal behaviors to find out what each individual is fond of,
then
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 fill his social media accounts and emails with promotions to the items he might be looking for. Well, there are a number of advantages to
consume
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consuming
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, the first is to feed the natural and necessary needs,
for
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instance
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instance,
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 like food, clothing,
replacing
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and replacing
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 the
out dated
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outdated
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 gadgets used in the home.
the
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The
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 second thing, the increase in demand will create new jobs and lead to
rise
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a rise
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 in
the
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salaries. But, looking to the downside of the consumerstic behavior, we will find its negetaive impact on human sanity, for the some, it turned to be some sort of addiction, to buy new things just to satisfy the desire to own
this
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 type of goods, regardless they will use it or not, chasing the new mobile or new car just because to be the first or the only person who owns it. From my side of the story, I believe consumer goods are the less important things in life, each person, before he pays for anything, to stop and asks himself, do I need it or I'm just falling under some sort of influence?, to be alert to the credit cards promotions, pushing the holder of the card to purchase items he doesn't need, just because it's newer or larger.

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task response
State a clear view on the question in your writing. Restate your view in the conclusion.
planning
Plan ideas before writing. Give one main idea for each side with a simple reason or example.
coherence
Use simple link words to connect ideas, like first, next, but, also, however.
grammar
Avoid long, run on sentences. Use short, clear sentences.
grammar
Check spelling of easy words and fix common mistakes like 'consumerstic', 'negetaive'.
coherence
Use a clear contrast between plus and minus points and end with a clear stance.
lexical resource
Reduce repetition and keep ideas close to the topic.
stance
You show a clear stance that consumer goods are not the most important in life.
content
You mention real ideas like jobs and ads.
balance
You discuss both sides of the issue.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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