IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantage or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation #advantage
Working non-stop and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 no time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 relax is arising issue in 21 centries. I strongly believe it results in various issues for
people
,
such
 as
health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and family issues
depite
Correct your spelling
despite
 the money
people
 might get in the short term and the fame they might receive from
boss
Correct pronoun usage
their boss
show examples
,
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 and others.
First
 of all, sleep is one of the most fundamental leisure activities,
however
, long hours of work causes
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of sleep which is a critical factor
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 bad
health
 condition. Loads of research
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 the benefits of sleeping.
For instance
, sleep helps to detox pressure and
anxioty
Correct your spelling
anxiety
 from
people
.
Human
Add an article
The human
show examples
 brain can be easily damaged under constant high pressure.
Besides
, human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 get energy recharge by sleeping. It means physical
health
 will be impacted by lack of sleep too.
Moreover
, gathering for fun activities,
such
 as movies,
cinama
Correct your spelling
cinema
 and travel is important for family, especially for children.
Strong
Correct article usage
A strong
show examples
 family bond requires regular and positive interaction among every family member. Playing with kids
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 the whole family closer.
In addition
, children's
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
 as well as social skill development can
be largely benefit
Change the verb form
largely benefit
show examples
 from playing with parents. Lack of family bonding often
result
Change the verb form
results
show examples
 in
acadamic
Correct your spelling
academic
 underperformance for children. More and more
people
starts
Change the verb form
start
show examples
 to realize that overwork can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
people
's
health
 as well as their social life. If
people
 do not take
relax
Replace the word
relaxation
show examples
 seriously, overwhelming disadvantages will hunt them down. I would argue to pay more attention to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 working time and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 more time for
relax
Change the verb form
relaxing
show examples
 activities with ourselves and
families
Correct pronoun usage
our families
show examples
.
Submitted by yokoyoko.ye on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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