IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People living in large cites today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?

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The 21st century witnessed an increasingly urban population. Some claim that there is an upward trend of health and financial problems in the city area. The advantages outweigh the drawbacks of the motivation of moving to remote towns. The first problem is the rocketing living cost in the metropolis over time
due to
Linking Words
 inflation. Urban domains,
in particular
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, New York, Hong Kong, and
SheungHei
Correct your spelling
Sheung Hei
 experienced exorbitant materials in terms of housing, food, transportation, and well-being care.
For instance
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, the housing price in Hong Kong was around 2 million in the 90s when it experienced a triple growth to 6 million after 30 years. The majority of migrants in Hong Kong aim for a better living standard, rather than earning a living.
As a result
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, not only a superior living quality is not guaranteed, but
also
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 struggle the basic commodities. On top of that, rapid development is the representation of health issues. Compared to rural areas, commercial places are suffering from serious pollution,
for example
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, light, noise, air, and water pollution. A case in point is that the residents in the industrial part are more likely to have mental problems
due to
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 the noise nuisance which may result in sleep deprivation. Another case is about air pollution owing to industrialization, which would contribute to smog, especially in Beijing.
Consequently
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, the contamination in the mega city is severe, and unless the government doubles down on efforts to improve the healthcare system, the mortality rate
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 rise. Some are against migrating to smaller-scale towns because of the greater career prospects.
However
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, the occupation is not the issue as the advanced technology for communication,
such
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 as
zoom
Capitalize word
Zoom
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, Skype, and FaceTime is one of the practical solutions which provide applicability for remote working. Moving into the countryside or village could maintain dwellers’ competitiveness, even for renowned businesses like Airbnb and Google.
Hence
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, with the assurance of a labour force for the development of the country, the authority should motivate the movement to the
suburb
Fix the agreement mistake
suburbs
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for alleviating
Change preposition
to alleviate
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 civil issues.
To conclude
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, overpopulation in the built-up
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 may encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
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problems like illness and financial burden
whereas
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 the downside of giving accommodations to the remote domain, like unemployment, could be minimised under the internet boom.
Therefore
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, maybe it is the era of distribution to the
suburb
Fix the agreement mistake
suburbs
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.

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task response
Task response: The essay addresses the prompt but lacks clarity in presenting a balanced argument. Ensure a clear stance is taken and supported throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay shows a logical structure and includes relevant examples to support the main points. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly defined to frame the essay effectively.
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