IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities.

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This
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 essay argued that vital professional
workers
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such
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 as
doctors
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 and
teachers
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 should receive more money than persons in
Correct article usage
the sport
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 and entertainment fields. Their
salary
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need
Change the verb form
needs
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 to be more
,
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apply
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 because they save
people
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 and give them
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
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 education or other staff.
Firstly
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, professional
workers
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as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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doctors
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 have more impact
in
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on
show examples
people
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's life. They are the ones, who actually save
people
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 and give them an important treatment, which can prevent disease. Meanwhile,
teachers
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 and
professions
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professionals
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, who
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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a
Remove the article
apply
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education
for
Change preposition
to
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 future professional
workers
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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need to be paid more. There is no secret, that a society experience lack of professionals in their sphere.If
government
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the government
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 wants to increase the
amount
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number
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 of professional
workers
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, they need to concentrate
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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resources on
workers
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, who they really need .The more
salary
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 will make
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 jobs more attractive, so
they
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the
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 young
childrens
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children
 would try to be
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
persons, who impact
a
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apply
show examples
society in
proper
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a proper
the proper
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 way. They are not many
people
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 who wanted to be a doctor, teacher or firefighter, but
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
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child
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children
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 prefer jobs, which may seem more fun and
profite
Correct your spelling
profit
profits
profitable
.
However
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,
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 jobs could be fun too, but it
is still need
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still needs
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 to admit that the
salary
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 of professional football,
soccer
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and soccer
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 players is dramatically more.
Moreover
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, they receive
a
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apply
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insane popularity, while
people
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 don't know
much
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many
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 famous
doctors
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 or
teachers
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.
Secondly
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,
people
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 in fields like sport and entertainment
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 now important as
it
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they
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 may seem. Their main function is
give
Fix the infinitive
to give
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 emotions to
people
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, but it doesn't make them significant.
Doctors
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 and
teachers
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 are way more
in
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of
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high
Correct article usage
a high
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 priority. But
school
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schools
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, particularly in America concentrate on students who have shown
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
good results in sports, so they even could win a grant to a prestige university or
colleges
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college
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, while
persons
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people
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, who have amazing marks don't receive
such
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 help. So teenagers seriously want to get into
Add an article
the sport
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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, which causes a lack of
workers
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. In hospitals,
people
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 need
registrate
Correct your spelling
registration
 on sites and include themselves on
doctor's
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the doctor's
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schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
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 or they need to wait for hours and hours to be
finally
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 treated.
Additionally
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, less
salary
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 causes sadness among
workers
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 about the choice of their job, because
the
Correct your spelling
they
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 may experience huge financial problems. Their emotions straightly affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their performance, so they treat not properly. Overall, professional
workers
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 need to be paid more.It will motivate
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 and teenagers to
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
doctors
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
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 and employees to work better, which will help to solve
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 issue of lack of professionals in their fields and it will increase the quality of education and treatment.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional workers
  • Societal contribution
  • Scarcity
  • Market forces
  • Consumer demand
  • Role models
  • Economic impact
  • Revenue generation
  • Fair compensation
  • Social equity
  • Intrinsic rewards
  • Job satisfaction
  • Media rights
  • Merchandise sales
  • Public figures
What to do next:
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