Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay argued that vital professional
workers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
doctors
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
teachers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should receive more money than persons in
Correct article usage
the sport
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports

It seems that sport may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
and entertainment fields. Their
salary
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

need
Change the verb form
needs

The plural verb need does not appear to agree with the singular subject Their salary. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
to be more
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker because. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
because they save
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and give them
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
education or other staff.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, professional
workers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as
Correct quantifier usage
such as

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

show examples
doctors
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have more impact
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's life. They are the ones, who actually save
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and give them an important treatment, which can prevent disease. Meanwhile,
teachers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
professions
Replace the word
professionals

The word professions doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
, who
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give

It seems that the verb gives does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun education in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
education
for
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
future professional
workers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb are appears to be unnecessary here.

show examples
need to be paid more. There is no secret, that a society experience lack of professionals in their sphere.If
government
Add an article
the government

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
wants to increase the
amount
Change the quantifier
number

It appears that the quantifier the amount does not fit with the countable noun workers. Consider changing the quantifier or the noun.

show examples
of professional
workers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, they need to concentrate
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun resources in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

show examples
resources on
workers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, who they really need .The more
salary
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will make
Linking Words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Correct determiner usage
these

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

show examples
jobs more attractive, so
they
Correct your spelling
the

The word they doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
young
childrens
Correct your spelling
children

If you don’t want childrens to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

would try to be
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun persons in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

show examples
persons, who impact
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun society in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
society in
proper
Add an article
a proper
the proper

The noun phrase proper way seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
way. They are not many
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who wanted to be a doctor, teacher or firefighter, but
mostly
Correct your spelling
most

The word mostly doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children

It seems that child may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
prefer jobs, which may seem more fun and
profite
Correct your spelling
profit
profits
profitable

If you don’t want profite to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Linking Words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Correct determiner usage
these

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

show examples
jobs could be fun too, but it
is still need
Change the verb form
still needs

It appears that the form of the verb need does not work with is in this sentence.

show examples
to admit that the
salary
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of professional football,
soccer
Correct word choice
and soccer

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
players is dramatically more.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they receive
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun popularity in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples
insane popularity, while
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

don't know
much
Correct quantifier usage
many

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

show examples
famous
doctors
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

or
teachers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in fields like sport and entertainment
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are

It seems that the verb is does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
now important as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
may seem. Their main function is
give
Fix the infinitive
to give

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

show examples
emotions to
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, but it doesn't make them significant.
Doctors
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
teachers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are way more
in
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
priority. But
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools

It seems that school may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
, particularly in America concentrate on students who have shown
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun results in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

show examples
good results in sports, so they even could win a grant to a prestige university or
colleges
Fix the agreement mistake
college

It seems that colleges may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
, while
persons
Replace the word
people

The word persons doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
, who have amazing marks don't receive
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

help. So teenagers seriously want to get into
Add an article
the sport

The noun phrase sport seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports

It seems that sport may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
, which causes a lack of
workers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. In hospitals,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

need
registrate
Correct your spelling
registration

If you don’t want registrate to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

on sites and include themselves on
doctor's
Correct article usage
the doctor's

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules

It seems that schedule may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
or they need to wait for hours and hours to be
finally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

treated.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, less
salary
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

causes sadness among
workers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

about the choice of their job, because
the
Correct your spelling
they

The word the doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
may experience huge financial problems. Their emotions straightly affect
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
their performance, so they treat not properly. Overall, professional
workers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

need to be paid more.It will motivate
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's

If you don’t want childrens to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and teenagers to
became
Change the form of the verb
become

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb became. Consider changing it.

show examples
doctors
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
teachers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and employees to work better, which will help to solve
a
Change the article
an

The article a may be incorrect. Consider changing it to agree with the beginning sound of the following word issue.

show examples
issue of lack of professionals in their fields and it will increase the quality of education and treatment.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional workers
  • Societal contribution
  • Scarcity
  • Market forces
  • Consumer demand
  • Role models
  • Economic impact
  • Revenue generation
  • Fair compensation
  • Social equity
  • Intrinsic rewards
  • Job satisfaction
  • Media rights
  • Merchandise sales
  • Public figures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: