Nowadays shopping has become a new favorite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies?

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As we know, the young generation gets

board

Correct your spelling

bored

show examples

very soon because of having too much leisure

time

Use synonyms

Therefore

Linking Words

they are searching for new hobbies all the

time

Use synonyms

. And nowadays

purchesing

Correct your spelling

purchasing

new stuff has

became

Change the verb form

become

show examples

their new

hobbie

Correct your spelling

hobbies

hobby

. There can be several reasons

behinde

Correct your spelling

behind

such

Linking Words

as payment and mindset. And

On the other

Linking Words

hand

Add a comma

,hand

show examples

some

people

Use synonyms

believe it's better to make them choose the other ways of

time

Use synonyms

passing activities too. In

this

Linking Words

essay

Add a comma

,essay

show examples

I will

dicuss

Correct your spelling

discuss

reosons

Correct your spelling

reasons

and some beliefs about that.

Firstly

Linking Words

, It's really important

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

who earns the

money

Use synonyms

and who spends it! Or as

Correct article usage

the american

show examples

american

Change the capitalization

American

show examples

old saying "It's all about

money

Use synonyms

!".

This

Linking Words

mean's that most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

people

Use synonyms

don't spend their own

money

Use synonyms

for buying goods.

Hence

Linking Words

thay

Correct your spelling

they

are being bought

Change preposition

with

show examples

"father's

money

Use synonyms

" and that leads to young

people

Use synonyms

spend

Wrong verb form

spending

show examples

too much

money

Use synonyms

than they

supposed

Add a missing verb

are supposed

show examples

to spend.

Secondly

Linking Words

, The materialistic mindset has

spreaded

Correct your spelling

spread

show examples

out

Change preposition

apply

show examples

all over the world. For

instence

Correct your spelling

instance

one of my friends think's that It's better to have the most expensive product of

it's

Replace the word

its

show examples

own kind. So he always buys some expensive clothes like fur!

On the other hand

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

think it's better to educate youth

improve

Add the particle

to improve

show examples

the

Change the word

their

show examples

sence

Correct your spelling

sense

fullfilment

Correct your spelling

fulfilment

by doing some

valueable

Correct your spelling

valuable

activities as a hobby.

This

Linking Words

way, not only they won't get

board

Correct your spelling

bored

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

they can make some value for their own society.

For example

Linking Words

, in an experiment on

japanese

Change the capitalization

Japanese

show examples

sudents

Correct your spelling

students

, it turned out that

encourageing

Correct your spelling

encouraging

them by making some cartoons about the pleasure of being

Correct article usage

a creator

show examples

creator

Fix the agreement mistake

creators

show examples

leads to them being

convinient

Correct your spelling

convenient

and not just a

money

Use synonyms

consumer

Fix the agreement mistake

consumers

show examples

adolecent

Correct your spelling

adolescent

on the

Linking Words

years. in conclusion, buying goods just for avoiding

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

being

board

Correct your spelling

bored

show examples

can not

results

Change the verb form

result

show examples

good

Correct article usage

a good

show examples

situation and it will be just a

time

Use synonyms

-consuming activity and

wasting

Replace the word

waste

show examples

time

Use synonyms

Instead

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

argue that if we educate

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

generation in

other

Change the wording

another

show examples

way, it will be fantastic for them and

also

Linking Words

for society and I agree with them.

Aryanafraz1997Sat Dec 24 2022

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
43
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

322 words

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Nowadays shopping has become a new favorite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies?

Your opinion

Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

in some countries, young people have become richer, healthier and live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address the problem?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Public transportation is a great way to travel, particularly within a metropolis. The metro is the most convenient way to get around a city. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that Olympic games are exciting events that bring other nations together. Others say Olympic is a waste of money and the money could be better spent on other things. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.