Nowadays shopping has become a new favorite pastime for young people. What are the reasons for this? should they be encouraged to develop other hobbies?

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As we know, the young generation gets
board
Correct your spelling
bored

The word board doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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very soon because of having too much leisure
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

they are searching for new hobbies all the
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. And nowadays
purchesing
Correct your spelling
purchasing

If you don’t want purchesing to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

new stuff has
became
Change the verb form
become

It appears that the verb became should be in the past participle form. Consider changing it.

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their new
hobbie
Correct your spelling
hobbies
hobby

If you don’t want hobbie to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

. There can be several reasons
behinde
Correct your spelling
behind

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it
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as payment and mindset. And
On the other
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

hand
Add a comma
,hand

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase On the other hand. Consider adding a comma.

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some
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

believe it's better to make them choose the other ways of
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

passing activities too. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay
Add a comma
,essay

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In this essay. Consider adding a comma.

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I will
dicuss
Correct your spelling
discuss

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reosons
Correct your spelling
reasons

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and some beliefs about that.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, It's really important
that
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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who earns the
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and who spends it! Or as
Correct article usage
the american
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american
Change the capitalization
American

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old saying "It's all about
money
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

!".
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

mean's that most
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
young
Add an article
the young

The phrase most of young people may require the use of the article the. Consider inserting the before the noun in your sentence.

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people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

don't spend their own
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for buying goods.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
thay
Correct your spelling
they

If you don’t want thay to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

are being bought
by
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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"father's
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

" and that leads to young
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

spend
Wrong verb form
spending

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb spend. Consider changing it.

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too much
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

than they
supposed
Add a missing verb
are supposed

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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to spend.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, The materialistic mindset has
spreaded
Correct your spelling
spread

It appears that the verb spreaded is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

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out
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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all over the world. For
instence
Correct your spelling
instance

If you don’t want instence to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

one of my friends think's that It's better to have the most expensive product of
it's
Replace the word
its

It appears that the contraction it's should be a possessive pronoun instead. Consider changing it.

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own kind. So he always buys some expensive clothes like fur!
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

think it's better to educate youth
improve
Add the particle
to improve

It appears that the verb improve should be in the to-infinitive form. Consider adding the word to.

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the
Change the word
their

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

show examples
sence
Correct your spelling
sense

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of
fullfilment
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fulfilment

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by doing some
valueable
Correct your spelling
valuable

If you don’t want valueable to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

activities as a hobby.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

way, not only they won't get
board
Correct your spelling
bored

The word board doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

they can make some value for their own society.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in an experiment on
japanese
Change the capitalization
Japanese

If you don’t want japanese to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

show examples
sudents
Correct your spelling
students

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, it turned out that
encourageing
Correct your spelling
encouraging

If you don’t want encourageing to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

them by making some cartoons about the pleasure of being
Correct article usage
a creator
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creator
Fix the agreement mistake
creators

It seems that creator may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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leads to them being
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient

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and not just a
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers

It seems that consumer may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
adolecent
Correct your spelling
adolescent

If you don’t want adolecent to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

on the
next
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

years. in conclusion, buying goods just for avoiding
from
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
being
board
Correct your spelling
bored

The word board doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
can not
results
Change the verb form
result

The verb results after the modal verb can does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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in
good
Correct article usage
a good

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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situation and it will be just a
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

-consuming activity and
wasting
Replace the word
waste

The word wasting doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
time
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

argue that if we educate
young
Add an article
the young

The noun phrase young generation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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generation in
other
Change the wording
another

The adjective other appears to be modifying the singular noun way. Consider making a change.

show examples
way, it will be fantastic for them and
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

for society and I agree with them.
Submitted by Aryanafraz1997 on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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