IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

#growth #shops #towns #cities
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World
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The world
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 has been changing since the beginning of
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it’s
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its
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 birth and every era or century has
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it’s
Replace the word
its
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 own trends. In course of time those trends
replaced
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were replaced
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 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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new trends and eras changed, but there is a new trend and it looks like it is not going to be replaced with any other thing in the future, they call that
an
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apply
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online shopping. Nowadays
people
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 say that online shopping will demolish
shops
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 in
cities
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 and towns, I totally agree with that and
Linking Words
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 paragraphs will explain in detail why
enormous
Correct article usage
the enormous
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 power of online shopping won’t be beaten.
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First
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The first
A first
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 and most important reason
of
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for
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 growing online shopping is money, when any goods price is compared between the physical store and online store it can be clearly stated that online
shops
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 are cheaper and pocket friendly. It can be explained
with
Change preposition
by
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 two main factors,
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first
Correct article usage
the first
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one
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 is rent and the other
one
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 is customer numbers.
Phyiscal
Correct your spelling
Physical
 stores will continue to pay rent to be able to
making
Change the verb
make
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 sales and they will continue to serve
same
Change the article
a same
the same
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 number of customers,
on the other hand
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 online stores do not pay for rent and they’re reachable by anyone who lives on earth.
High
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A high
The high
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 number of customers and low business running costs let online shopping sales channels
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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keep prices lower than physical stores and most
people
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 always choose the cheaper
one
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, that rule never changes and applies to all. Money is again
an
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apply
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another reason why
shops
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 in towns and
cities
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 are swallowed by online shopping channels
,
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apply
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 but
in
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from
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 a different perspective.
People
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 don’t have to get up from their couches anymore when they order something through
web
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the web
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 and
it’s
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 extremely
cost effective
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cost-effective
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 for online shoppers. If a party assumed
that is
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 going to buy any product from
local
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a local
the local
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 store, here are things that
individual
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the individual
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 needs to do, driving is the
first
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 phase of it, and increasing gas prices and traffic jams in
cities
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 indirectly make any goods cost higher.
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Second
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The second
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 phase is parking cost and
it’s
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 not an ignorable
one
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.
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Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
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 s/he couldn’t find a chance to compare the prices or get benefited from any promotions which are
higly
Correct your spelling
highly
 common in online shopping. Previous paragraphs explained why online shopping can’t be beaten and the effects of it will be discussed here. Dead
cities
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 will be rising in the future
it’s
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 the result of
chain
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the chain
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 effect. When local
shops
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starts
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start
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 to close in a town or city due to less income,
government
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the government
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 will start to lose a big portion of
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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tax
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taxable
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 income and when it happens they won’t make any investments
to
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in
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 the area and job
opportunuties
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for
people
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 will drop and
people
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 will look for new
opportunuties
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 in
another places
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another place
other places
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 to feed their families or itself.
Less
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Fewer
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people
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 means
less customer
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer customers
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 for local
shops
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 and the effect of that chain constantly doubles itself. As a conclusion, no
one
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 can stand in front of online shopping, no
one
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 is able to stop
Use synonyms
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
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 popularity and power anymore,
unfortunately
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,unfortunately
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 all counted effects of it will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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rise
Add an article
a rise
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 in
near
Correct article usage
the near
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 future and hopefully the result of it won’t be
devastated
Replace the word
devastating
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 for any of us.
Submitted by karayilanoglu35 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • physical stores
  • online retailers
  • retail apocalypse
  • digital economy
  • consumer behavior
  • sustainability
  • commercial landscape
  • high-street
  • consumer trends
  • augmented reality
  • showrooms
  • carbon footprint
What to do next:
Look at other essays: