IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Today, many people use the internet and smartphones to transfer money to friends, family, and businesses. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #internet #smartphones #transfer #money #friends #businesses #development
These days, it appears that funds transfer through the internet
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 getting more popular. The phenomenon could be influenced by the easiness of virtual transactions which brings
a positive impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a positive impact
positive impacts
show examples
 on the
people
's economy.
To begin
 with, transferring money via smartphones give the community an easy experience as it requires much less effort to do so. As the technology development in the financial sector has created various platforms to conduct transactions, it is known as a one-click-away activity since
people
 only need to open the application through their cellphones and
then
 transfer some money.
Moreover
, the activity no longer requires
people
 to go to the bank or the ATM just to move their funds into another account,
hence
 it cost them less time to wait in line.
For example
, built-in platforms are known as mobile banking, e-wallet and QR transaction that provides transferring and payment through phones.
As a result
 of the trend, a positive development can be felt by a wide range of
people
 regarding the faster transaction which yields improved economic welfare. Due to the one-click-away strategy, the circulation of the economy will be able to reach the population from all social classes and distance is no longer a challenge to exchange funds,
For instance
, businesses can be conducted more between two parties both in big cities and in remote areas since the settlement can be done online making it more socially inclusive. In conclusion, financial deals are indeed more common in these days' society as
it's
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 simplicity can be done by everyone and the occurrence results in good economic circulation.
Submitted by hpanduhimawan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: