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Band 4

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

#purpose #businesses #money
Money
 is a crucial part of an individual's life. A substantial proportion of individuals claim that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the major purpose of a business is only required to generate capital as well as
businessman
Add an article
a businessman
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 want to focus on
this
. I partially agree with the given statement. To commence with, natives can earn hard
money
 throughout the company, because every industry
demand
Change the verb form
demands
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 massive paper notes. To exemplify, more than two-fifths of Indian residents
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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hold their own company. When they do not spend a high expenditure,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can not survive in the market. The main reason is competition at
the
Change the word
its
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 peak.
Thus
, without
generate
Change the verb form
generating
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 hard
money
, it is extremely hard for
this
.
As a result
, funds are
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
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 role
of
Change preposition
in
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Industrial
Correct article usage
the Industrial
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 Revolution. Shifting towards the final view, the fact cannot be denied that, impressive brand value is important as well because when the only focus is to earn banknotes, they cannot create their own value in the market. To illustrate it, Many communities want to make their unique identity among the people, which might help to increase business shares as well as career options. Many other options are available when businessmen follow
this
, they can easily make a successful brand. All aforementioned facts and figures lead to the
outcomes
Fix the agreement mistake
outcome
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 that, every brand
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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unique
Correct article usage
a unique
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 personality among the people. To conclude, unquestionably,
money
 is important more than other points.
Nevertheless
,
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 company focus
all
Change preposition
on all
show examples
 these steps.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial sustainability
  • Profit margin
  • Corporate social responsibility (CSR)
  • Stakeholder
  • Socio-economic impact
  • Ethical business practices
  • Customer retention
  • Brand loyalty
  • Workforce morale
  • Innovation
  • Sustainable growth
  • Competitive edge
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