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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people choose to be self employed rather than working in a company or organization. why be the case? what could be the disadavntages

#people #self #company #organization #case #disadavntages
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Today, investing money and days in their own business is a dream for most folk rather than spending days on a job for a monthly income. In
this
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 situation, there could be plenty of advantages and disadvantages. Still, I would prefer to go with my own effort
due to
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 the self-satisfaction and flexibility which I'm having in my own place. To commence with, the crowd who perform as an employee in a company, are always struggling with a frame ,
moreover
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 with a target-oriented culture.
Due to
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this
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 reason, workers are unhappy with their day-to-day workload.Even though organizations
provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 many benefits, in ,fact insurance , salary increments, and promotions ,some employees are demotivated by their structured task pattern and repeated activities ,
consequently
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 working mothers are really frustrated with their tasks as they a missing a lot of their family and kids.
Besides
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 time management is very critical for mothers who travel long distances. All in all, most of the activity holders are not up to the standard at the performance evaluation stage in the job.
In contrast
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, self-employed
also
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 have multiple challenges,mainly high risk and stress. they should effort double to generate income ,as all the failures directly impact the company's goals. working as an employee within a limited time period and working full time is again a challenging task, for ,instance self-motivation is crucial. simultaneously in the future established organizations may
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
 problems recruiting new workers with the new start-up trend.
To conclude
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, dreaming of an own workplace is a
nowadays
Rephrase
apply
show examples
movement
due to
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 mainly flexibility and self-satisfaction,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, it has high risk and stress.
Also
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, with the new trend coming in , future medium and high-level organizations are under a challenge to recruit required employees into the open job vacancies
Submitted by denuwaraindeewari on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The logical structure could be improved by organizing ideas in a more coherent manner. More relevant specific examples could be provided to support the main points.
task achievement
The essay provides a partial response to the task. The introduction and conclusion lack clarity. The ideas are not fully developed and lack depth. More clear and comprehensive ideas could be provided with relevant specific examples to support the arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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