IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society?

#countries #proportion #people #trend #effects #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, with the advancement of technology and the improvement of living standards, the average life expectancy has increased, resulting in a larger
proportion
Use synonyms
 of older
people
Use synonyms
 in
society
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 trend has more negative
effects
Use synonyms
 than positive
effects
Use synonyms
 on
society
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the population issue of a large
proportion
Use synonyms
 of older
people
Use synonyms
 will pose a heavy burden on the government. As we all know, our bodies decline with age and older
people
Use synonyms
 are more prone to sickness, causing a dramatic increase in the probability of illness.
This
Linking Words
 means the government has to spend more on medical insurance for older
people
Use synonyms
, resulting in higher tax rates for citizens or reduced spending on other public services. Both of these have negative
effects
Use synonyms
 on
society
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the efficiency of
society
Use synonyms
 will decrease
due to
Linking Words
 the large
proportion
Use synonyms
 of older
people
Use synonyms
. As we age, our ability to work declines, and if there is a large
proportion
Use synonyms
 of older
people
Use synonyms
, important jobs with complex responsibilities,
such
Linking Words
 as government officer, scientist, and engineer, will have fewer potential candidates.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lower efficiency
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, older
people
Use synonyms
 can sometimes have positive
effects
Use synonyms
. They can teach younger generations valuable lessons and life experiences. In conclusion, the increasing
proportion
Use synonyms
 of older
people
Use synonyms
 has more negative
effects
Use synonyms
 than positive
effects
Use synonyms
 on
society
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by zysnewmail on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: