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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have positive or negative effects on society?

#countries #proportion #people #trend #effects #society
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Nowadays, with the
increasing
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increase
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of
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in
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 technology and living standard, the average life expectancy has been alleviated, which leads to a larger
proportion
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 of older
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 fact has more negative
effects
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 than positive
effects
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
society
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the population problem,
large
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a large
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proportion
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 of older
people
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, will pose a heavy burden to
government
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the government
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. As we all
known
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know
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, our body declines with age, the
people
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 older have a more
weaken
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weakened
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body
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bodies
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 than younger, the probability of sickness will increase dramatically. With
this
Linking Words
 fact, our government has to spend more
in
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on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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medical insurance
in
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for
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 older
people
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, so they have to pose heavier tax
rate
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rates
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to
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on
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 the
people
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 or spend less
in
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on
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other public service
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another public service
other public services
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. Both of these have negative
effects
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to
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on
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 our
society
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the efficiency of
society
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 will decrease because of the large
proportion
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 of older
people
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. As we age, our ability to work declines. If there is a large
proportion
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 of older
people
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, the
complicate
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complicated
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 job will have
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a less
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less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 potential
candidate
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candidates
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, so it’s harder to find a suitable
candidate
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candidates
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 for these jobs. The
complicate
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complicated
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 job
are
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is
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 important exactly,
such
Linking Words
 as the government officer,
scientist
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scientists
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,
engineer
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engineers
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 and so on.
In
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For
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 the reason
of
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apply
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above,
this
Linking Words
 population problem can lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
lower efficiency
of
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in
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
 can pose
a positive
Correct the article-noun agreement
positive effects
a positive effect
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effects
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 sometimes.
The
Correct article usage
People
show examples
people
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 who are older can teach a lot to younger
such
Linking Words
 as
philosophy
Correct article usage
the philosophy
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 of life, life experience and so on. In conclusion, the
increasing
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increase
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
a proportion
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 of older
people
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 has more negative
effects
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 than positive
effects
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
society
Use synonyms
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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