Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #activities #children’s #development #computer #games

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There are widely differing views on the issue of whether doing an activity outside is more advantageous for children’s development than playing with technology devices. I totally agree with the notion of

this

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opinion and there are two principal reasons for

this

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. One point which I believe to be pivotal is the indisputable fact that doing some sports exercise or campaign makes them more energetic.

This

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is because outdoor movement requires children to exercise a lot

such

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as running, jumping, or building a tent, which is very necessary for children’s physical fitness.

As a result

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, physical activities bring them positive energy and help them lessen obesity.

This

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can be seen that my brother used to

have

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obesity

Replace the word

obese

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because

lied

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he lay

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too much on the sofa eating ice cream and watching movies, but after being taken to the youth organization, for nearly one year join that system and

Wrong verb form

doing

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many outdoor exercises, he lost nearly 10 kg, and get taller.

This

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is why I believe that playing

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

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outdoors is helpful for our physical well-being. Yet, perhaps the strongest argument in favour of my optimism is that when children join many outdoor activities, that will

Add a missing verb

be a

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great occasion for them to meet more people and make friends with them. Participating in any campaign, club, or youth organization helps them learn new things, and new skills and improve their communication. In many ,cases children have depression, and autism

that is

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a result of staying a long interacting with video games. Countless real-life examples have shown that a boy I

have seen

Wrong verb form

saw

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in the report a few years ago, his parent

occupies

Wrong verb form

were occupied

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with their work so they left him alone at home and

play

Wrong verb form

played

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games, for a period of time, he

became

Verb problem

apply

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lost control and awareness, and he nearly forgot who was his parent. For these reasons, I think that they let the child take part in many clubs

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apply

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and

grouping

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

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, and having some exercise outdoors not only

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

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their physical energy but

also

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their mental well-being. In conclusion, I entirely agree

that given

Change preposition

with

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the aforementioned arguments.

Submitted by vihoaithichngu on Wed Jan 04 2023

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Task Achievement

Provide more specific and accurate examples to support your points.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure each paragraph is logically connected and flows smoothly from one to the next.

Coherence and Cohesion

Good use of transition words to connect ideas within each paragraph.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

343 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical development
Overall health
Coordination
Foster
Social skills
Teamwork
Mental well-being
Creativity
Exploration
Strategic thinking
Problem-solving
Hand-eye coordination
Sedentary lifestyles
Social isolation
Moderation
Balanced approach
Detract
Obesity
Poor posture

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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Teenagers face a lot of difficulties at home and at school. What are the causes for this? How can parents provide solutions?

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Some people think that the best way to solve global environment problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

In some countries, schools are open late so that children can be looked after when parents are at work. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching T.V . However, TV cannot replace the book as a learning tool,which is why children are less well educated today,to what extent do you agree with this statement ?