IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that climate has the greatest effect on people ‘s way of life. Others believe that the economy of the region has the greatest effect. Discuss both view and give you own opinion

#people #climate #effect #‘s #life #economy #region
Nowadays, few individuals think that the
climate
 is the most important factor in the way
people
 live.
however
,others believe that the local
economy
 is a crucial factor.
this
 essay will discuss both views.
personally
Capitalize word
Personally
show examples
 my opinion goes with the latter statement. On the one hand,
climate
 can affect
people
's meals and their occupations it is because in order to survive in every climatic condition .To explain,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 staple crops are consumed by individuals but in some ,places
people
 are not able to grow food like vegetables on wheat.
For example
, in tropical regions
where
Rephrase
apply
show examples
because of the tundra
climate
 the soil gets frozen so there is no possibility of growing a plant .
As a result
, individuals need to depend on animals like fish ,seals and so on.Another reason is that
people
 choose their careers
according to
 the weather .To elaborate, it is commonly seen that when
people
 live
nearby
Correct your spelling
near
show examples
 the seas ,they choose fishing as a career or if they live near Woodlands like Jungles ,they are more likely to choose the carpentry field to earn money.
On the other hand
, the living conditions of
people
 can be affected by the
economy
. If the
economy
 of the country is higher
then
 it can overtake weather challenges and can provide basic necessities to its citizens.
for example
 , Dubai is one of the hottest countries but through the fossil fuel ,trade they gained huge wealth. Today most of the Dubai population are
leaving
Verb problem
living
show examples
 luxurious lifetimes.
Moreover
, developed countries with good economies have a young workforce or more education systems. if the
economy
 of countries is good they can provide better education
as well as
 more
people
 will secure their jobs.
therefore
 , the
economy
 of the country will increase
To conclude
,
although
 the
climate
 can affect
people
's food choices or their occupation
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I believe that the
economy
 of the country is far more crucial.
Submitted by manpreetjoshan77 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the main topic and the writer's position. Use topic sentences in each body paragraph to clearly connect back to the main topic and position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas in a logical sequence. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay. Ensure that each paragraph develops a clear main point.

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