IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that climate has the greatest effect on people ‘s way of life. Others believe that the economy of the region has the greatest effect. Discuss both view and give you own opinion

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Nowadays, few individuals think that the
climate
Use synonyms
 is the most important factor in the way
people
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 live.
however
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,others believe that the local
economy
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 is a crucial factor.
this
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 essay will discuss both views.
personally
Capitalize word
Personally
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 my opinion goes with the latter statement. On the one hand,
climate
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 can affect
people
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's meals and their occupations it is because in order to survive in every climatic condition .To explain,
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
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 staple crops are consumed by individuals but in some ,places
people
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 are not able to grow food like vegetables on wheat.
For example
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, in tropical regions
where
Rephrase
apply
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because of the tundra
climate
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 the soil gets frozen so there is no possibility of growing a plant .
As a result
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, individuals need to depend on animals like fish ,seals and so on.Another reason is that
people
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 choose their careers
according to
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 the weather .To elaborate, it is commonly seen that when
people
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 live
nearby
Correct your spelling
near
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 the seas ,they choose fishing as a career or if they live near Woodlands like Jungles ,they are more likely to choose the carpentry field to earn money.
On the other hand
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, the living conditions of
people
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 can be affected by the
economy
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. If the
economy
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 of the country is higher
then
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 it can overtake weather challenges and can provide basic necessities to its citizens.
for example
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 , Dubai is one of the hottest countries but through the fossil fuel ,trade they gained huge wealth. Today most of the Dubai population are
leaving
Verb problem
living
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 luxurious lifetimes.
Moreover
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, developed countries with good economies have a young workforce or more education systems. if the
economy
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 of countries is good they can provide better education
as well as
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 more
people
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 will secure their jobs.
therefore
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 , the
economy
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 of the country will increase
To conclude
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,
although
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 the
climate
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 can affect
people
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's food choices or their occupation
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I believe that the
economy
Use synonyms
 of the country is far more crucial.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the main topic and the writer's position. Use topic sentences in each body paragraph to clearly connect back to the main topic and position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas in a logical sequence. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay. Ensure that each paragraph develops a clear main point.
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