IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Sugary drinks should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

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Nowadays, the competition
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 sugary drink markets is obviously increasing,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
prices
Use synonyms
 of the
drinks
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 affordable. Some
people
Use synonyms
 agree that cheaper
prices
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the decisive factor
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
enormous
Correct article usage
the enormous
show examples
 consumption of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drinks
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 the
prices
Use synonyms
 should be risen to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to drink less
sugar
Use synonyms
. Personally, I strongly disagree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 strategy, making more expensive seems not to be the key method to make
people
Use synonyms
 consume less sugary products, but
health
Use synonyms
 education and awareness, as well as, healthy substitute
sugar
Use synonyms
 could be emphasised to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to have less
sugar
Use synonyms
 in their diet
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or choose wisely when they crave the sweet
drinks
Use synonyms
. Carbohydrates
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 prominent role
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 issues, especially diabetic
mellitus
Change the capitalization
Mellitus
show examples
 and obesity. Some
people
Use synonyms
 know that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food with high carbs,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 white rice,
breads
Change the wording
bread
pieces of bread
loaves of bread
slices of bread
show examples
 and sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
, is the key factor of those
health
Use synonyms
 concerns. Due to lacking
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
comprehensive knowledge and
health
Use synonyms
 awareness, they consume
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge amount of
carbohydarates
Correct your spelling
carbohydrates
 in each
meals
Change to a singular noun
meal
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 should be taught more about the complications of either diabetic
mellitus
Change the capitalization
Mellitus
show examples
 or obesity, to make them concern more about the
dangerous
Replace the word
dangers
show examples
 of the diseases, which are mainly caused by
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 diet with high
sugar
Use synonyms
. If
people
Use synonyms
 learn that high blood glucose or being obese can lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life-threatening problems,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
show examples
 stroke, heart attack, and kidney damage, they may constantly control their
carbohydrates
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrate
show examples
 eating behaviours, and sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
 may be less consumed eventually. There are
variable
Replace the word
various
show examples
 choices of sweet
drinks
Use synonyms
 on the supermarkets' shelves, but most of them are sweetened by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unhealthy
sugar
Use synonyms
. It should be encouraged more to have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drinks
Use synonyms
 that use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthier substitute
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Stevia
Use synonyms
, which is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sugary plant, could be a good choice
instead
Linking Words
 of typical
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Stevia
Use synonyms
sweetener
Use synonyms
 is calorie-free,
Use synonyms
sugar-free
Correct word choice
and sugar-free
show examples
 which is suitable for
people
Use synonyms
 who control weight and blood
sugar
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
. It says that two grams of
stevia
Use synonyms
sweetener
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 as sweet as one teaspoon of typical
sugar
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 particular
sweetener
Use synonyms
 may be
recmommended
Correct your spelling
recommended
 to
people
Use synonyms
 for their food and
drinks
Use synonyms
 to cut down on
sugars
Fix the agreement mistake
sugar
show examples
, and still enjoy the sweet things in life.
Stevia
Use synonyms
drinks
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
 of original sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
, could become a wise choice for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who love sweetness
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but prefer to be healthy. In conclusion, the consumption of high carbs diet including sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
major
health
Use synonyms
 problems, which could cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious medical problems or death.
Health
Use synonyms
 education and awareness would be the key priorities to make
people
Use synonyms
 decrease
Use synonyms
sugar
Correct pronoun usage
their sugar
show examples
 intake.
In addition
Linking Words
, the choices of healthy substitute
Use synonyms
sweetener
Fix the agreement mistake
sweeteners
show examples
 should be more used in sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
 industries to provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better choices for their customers while remaining the reasonable
prices
Use synonyms
 of their products.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sugary drinks, sugar-sweetened beverages, soft drinks
  • Health consequences, obesity, diabetes, dental health
  • Government intervention, public health, deterrent
  • Sin taxes, levies, fiscal policies
  • Equity, accessibility, low-income communities
  • Consumer behavior, dietary habits
  • Education campaigns, public awareness
  • Beverage industry, economic impact
  • Paternalism, autonomy, personal choice
  • Global trends, international policies
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