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Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
Nowadays, high levels of
sugar
 are contained in many sources of food, especially in manufactured food.
In addition
to
Change preposition
apply
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, eating so much
sugar
 is not good for our health. It can
causes
Change the verb form
cause
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 major problems, like the increasing level of
sugar
 in
blood
Add an article
the blood
show examples
. Some
people
 suggest that sugary
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 should be more expensive, so
people
 would buy
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 of them. I totally agree with the statement since it may eventually mitigate the problem. Expensive goods are less popular among customers. In fact, most individuals are interested in buying less expensive
foods
 and beverages. As a consequence, most of the multinational corporations which produce
high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
show examples
sugar
 drinks,
such
 as Coca-Cola, 7-up, etc. usually make sure that their products are much cheaper than other available drinks. If the government decide to impose
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 tax on unhealthy food items, the manufacturing corporations will have to increase the
price
 of the products.
As a result
,
these sugary product
Change the determiner
this sugary product
these sugary products
show examples
 will be less popular among
people
. On top of that, by increasing the
price
 of unhealthy snacks and drinks, the authorities can indirectly influence manufacturers to switch to alternative
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 products. Increased
price
 tags will become a massive problem for companies as it results in less profit.
Accordingly
, the companies may decide to produce items with less amount of
sugar
.
For example
, some countries have recently increased
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 of
sugary
Add an article
the sugary
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
.
Hence
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy
foods
 are being replaced by healthy
foods
,
such
 as fresh fruit juice. To sum it up, higher
sugar
 consumption has become a critical issue in many nations owing to the increase in health problems among
people
. One of the main situations to tackle
this
 problem would be implementing
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 on these
foods
.
Submitted by mfh.faisalhasan on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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