IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Is it wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young experience less individuals?To what extent you agree or disagree?

#industry #workers #individuals
Nowadays, the number of factories is increasing day by day and
accordingly
 it requires more and more labour. Some folks intend to believe that there should be younger workers in the workplace
instead
 of the more old population. While the new workers benefit the company in many ways
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it has many drawbacks. I will discuss my opinions in the upcoming paragraphs.
First
 of all, industries can get extra benefits from a new generation of folk because of their new ideas and opinions, as well as these
people
, have greater knowledge of modern machinery and equipment.
Moreover
, it can decrease their labour shortage.
For instance
, aged persons can take more time to finish work than low-aged
people
 . In
this
 way, the company can get more advantages
such
 as savage of money and time.
On the other hand
, some tend to think that aged
people
 have more patience in doing their duties and responsibilities than younger
people
.
Additionally
, they have the intention to detail and they used to stick with the work longer.
For example
, highly aged persons can do the same task for longer years as compared to a new generation. In summary,
although
 most companies give preference to young
people
, in my opinion , they get more progress with the help of old
people
.
Submitted by kaursandeep79561 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: