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Band 4

Establishing good relationships in the workplace is not important, as the primary goal of every person is to focus on work. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#relationships #workplace #person #focus #work
Some people opine that
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, establishing good
relationships
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 is quite
substancial
Correct your spelling
substantial
.
However
, others argue that since
work
 is worship, it is crucial to prioritise it over relations.
This
 essay will elucidate both views along with my assertions that focusing on
work
 should be the foremost goal of an individual in order to grow in an organisation. Nowadays, corporates consider employee engagement imperative in building employee satisfaction.
Also
, a portion of employees segment
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that creating and maintaining good
relationships
 works in
favour
Correct pronoun usage
their favour
show examples
. It makes them feel motivated and energetic at
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
.
Hence
, they
also
 organise various cultural events that enhance team building and coordination. To exemplify, for an extrovert individual, establishing and nurturing good rapport with colleagues at and outside
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 helps in performing better. It could
also
 help the person in getting
promotion
Add an article
a promotion
the promotion
show examples
 at
work
 because of maintaining efficient terms with the manager.
By contrast
, some organisations these days conduct meditation camps for their workers so that they can concentrate better at
work
 and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not get distracted.
Moreover
, they believe that as a worker gets paid for his job, it is his duty to consider
work
 as a primary goal rather than anything else. There are
Add an article
an organisation
show examples
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
 that restrict break timeouts so as to ensure that people do not waste time in
canteen
Add an article
the canteen
show examples
.
Further
, they feel that creating good
relationships
 could drift them from concentrating
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their job and their goals.
Additionally
, to exemplify,
this
 kind of environment could be a motivating factor for an introvert who would prefer engrossing himself at
work
 as compared to going
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 an office party.
Such
 people believe that it is their efforts at
work
 which will gain them recognition and help them in getting up the ladder. Definitely, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 focusing on
work
 as well
establishing
Correct word choice
as establishing
show examples
relationships
 at
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 are beneficial for any worker.
However
, it is important not to sideline
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 job over a connection because
work
 is what we get paid for and it is our primary responsibility to earn profits for the employer rather than creating
relationships
 that could deviate us from our aim.
Submitted by prabhunisha0994 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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