IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Establishing good relationships in the workplace is not important, as the primary goal of every person is to focus on work. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#relationships #workplace #person #focus #work
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Some people opine that
during
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apply
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, establishing good
relationships
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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 is quite
substancial
Correct your spelling
substantial
.
However
Linking Words
, others argue that since
work
Use synonyms
 is worship, it is crucial to prioritise it over relations.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate both views along with my assertions that focusing on
work
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 should be the foremost goal of an individual in order to grow in an organisation. Nowadays, corporates consider employee engagement imperative in building employee satisfaction.
Also
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, a portion of employees segment
believe
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believes
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 that creating and maintaining good
relationships
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 works in
favour
Correct pronoun usage
their favour
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. It makes them feel motivated and energetic at
Use synonyms
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
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.
Hence
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, they
also
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 organise various cultural events that enhance team building and coordination. To exemplify, for an extrovert individual, establishing and nurturing good rapport with colleagues at and outside
Use synonyms
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
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 helps in performing better. It could
also
Linking Words
 help the person in getting
promotion
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a promotion
the promotion
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 at
work
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 because of maintaining efficient terms with the manager.
By contrast
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, some organisations these days conduct meditation camps for their workers so that they can concentrate better at
work
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 and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not get distracted.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they believe that as a worker gets paid for his job, it is his duty to consider
work
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 as a primary goal rather than anything else. There are
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an organisation
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organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
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 that restrict break timeouts so as to ensure that people do not waste time in
canteen
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the canteen
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.
Further
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, they feel that creating good
relationships
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 could drift them from concentrating
at
Change preposition
on
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 their job and their goals.
Additionally
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, to exemplify,
this
Linking Words
 kind of environment could be a motivating factor for an introvert who would prefer engrossing himself at
work
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 as compared to going
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 an office party.
Such
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 people believe that it is their efforts at
work
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 which will gain them recognition and help them in getting up the ladder. Definitely, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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 focusing on
work
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 as well
establishing
Correct word choice
as establishing
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relationships
Use synonyms
 at
Use synonyms
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 are beneficial for any worker.
However
Linking Words
, it is important not to sideline
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 job over a connection because
work
Use synonyms
 is what we get paid for and it is our primary responsibility to earn profits for the employer rather than creating
relationships
Use synonyms
 that could deviate us from our aim.
Submitted by prabhunisha0994 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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