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Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
It's true that many
people
 these days are consuming high levels of
sugar
, but I don't think that
people
 are not gonna stop buying manufactured food and drink products whether its expensive or cheap. I guarantee
people
 will not notice the difference between
quantity
Add an article
the quantity
show examples
 of
sugar
 and
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
. In conclusion, I disagree with
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 following topic.
Instead
 of raising the cost of it. I recommend
people
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
search
products
Change preposition
for products
show examples
 with lower calories. You can easily
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 zero-calorie
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 even in the
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
convenience
 store. As I'm the one
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
who is trying to reduce
sugar
, I actually tried those several times, and the taste was literally
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as others which
contains
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
 high calories.
Also
, when I was
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to Japan, one restaurant was selling 2 coke which
prevent
Change the verb form
prevents
show examples
 the
absurb
Correct your spelling
absurd
absorb
 of fat.
This
 product
is not exist
Change the verb form
does not exist
show examples
 in
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my country, so it was quite intriguing because of the special function even though it's a 'Coke'. Apparently, many companies are willing to make products with the title of Zero-Calorie'
instead
 of just making
more
Correct pronoun usage
them more
show examples
 expensive because they have
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
sugar
Change to a plural noun
sugars
show examples
 in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. And I think the way to maintain their health is up to their will, not the company. Only the Individual's strong will can adjust their health. Encouraging
people
 to do more
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 is much helpful
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their health
such
 as walking, climbing, biking.. etc. Participating
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the excercise
show examples
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
challenge
Fix the agreement mistake
challenges
show examples
 which is happening in social media services can
also
 be the solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 problem. You can see many
people
 doing
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises
 and take
picture
Change the form of the verb
pictures
show examples
 of themselves and
post
Wrong verb form
posting
show examples
 it on their web feed, and
this
 could be a positive stimulation for everyone
whose
Correct your spelling
who's
show examples
 on the platform to
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
weight and eat less.
Submitted by toybox29 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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