IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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It's true that many
people
Use synonyms
 these days are consuming high levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
, but I don't think that
people
Use synonyms
 are not gonna stop buying manufactured food and drink products whether its expensive or cheap. I guarantee
people
Use synonyms
 will not notice the difference between
quantity
Add an article
the quantity
show examples
 of
sugar
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 and
price
Correct article usage
the price
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. In conclusion, I disagree with
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 following topic.
Instead
Linking Words
 of raising the cost of it. I recommend
people
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
search
products
Change preposition
for products
show examples
 with lower calories. You can easily
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 zero-calorie
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 even in the
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
convenience
 store. As I'm the one
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
who is trying to reduce
sugar
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, I actually tried those several times, and the taste was literally
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 as others which
contains
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contain
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 high calories.
Also
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, when I was
traveling
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travelling
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 to Japan, one restaurant was selling 2 coke which
prevent
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prevents
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 the
absurb
Correct your spelling
absurd
absorb
 of fat.
This
Linking Words
 product
is not exist
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does not exist
show examples
 in
to
Change preposition
apply
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my country, so it was quite intriguing because of the special function even though it's a 'Coke'. Apparently, many companies are willing to make products with the title of Zero-Calorie'
instead
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 of just making
more
Correct pronoun usage
them more
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 expensive because they have
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
Use synonyms
sugar
Change to a plural noun
sugars
show examples
 in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. And I think the way to maintain their health is up to their will, not the company. Only the Individual's strong will can adjust their health. Encouraging
people
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 to do more
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 is much helpful
for
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apply
show examples
their health
such
Linking Words
 as walking, climbing, biking.. etc. Participating
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the excercise
show examples
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
challenge
Fix the agreement mistake
challenges
show examples
 which is happening in social media services can
also
Linking Words
 be the solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem. You can see many
people
Use synonyms
 doing
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises
 and take
picture
Change the form of the verb
pictures
show examples
 of themselves and
post
Wrong verb form
posting
show examples
 it on their web feed, and
this
Linking Words
 could be a positive stimulation for everyone
whose
Correct your spelling
who's
show examples
 on the platform to
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
weight and eat less.
Submitted by toybox29 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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