Working hours today are too long and people are not spending as much time as they should with their families or on leisure activities.

#hours #people #time #families #leisure #activities

As far

Correct word choice

as I

show examples

am concerned,I feel the same.Nowadays,working hours are prolonged.

Therefore

,the recruits don't have enough time to interact with their blood relations as well as in extra-circular activities.

This

leads to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

misbelief among the family members. In the past,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people worked delightfully without any interior compulsion,

further

they don't

bothered

Change the verb form

bother

show examples

about the working hours and put up with their workload.Unfortunately,the trend has

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

changed over the years.

For instance

,the

peoples

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

commenced to do work at

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

night,as

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

night-shift duty.

This

interchanged their circadian rhythm and habitual behaviour in

day-break

Correct your spelling

daybreak

show examples

As a result

,it increases the risk of developing diabetes,heart disease and obesity.

Except

Add the preposition

forExcept

show examples

the government

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

show examples

,all other private company sector recruits are not paid as much as they expected in salary.Despite that,they are compelled to work as a machine without any leave

in-between

Correct your spelling

in between

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

working days.

For example

,The private school teachers are well turned out

Change preposition

show examples

this

situation.These teachers only have

permission

Add an article

the permission

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

7 days

Change preposition

show examples

medical leave throughout the year.If they took leave beyond

this

then

their salary will be deducted.

Hence

,it creates

Change the article

show examples

extra-pressure and

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of interest in their profession. In return,these problems build up a great impact on their health issue.

However

,undertaking overtime jobs causes mental stress and

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

out clumsy.These employees won't have the mindset to pass out their time with families or in amusement because

workload

Correct article usage

the workload

show examples

makes them

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

feel exhausted. In general,

complication

Fix the agreement mistake

complications

show examples

this

will provide a way to live a detestable and

Remove the article

apply

show examples

sorrowful life.These recruits would be in

ambiguous

Add an article

an ambiguous

show examples

state about their future life.Contemporary,the firm is looking for unlimited working time for the workers in the upcoming days.

Submitted by kaifanser1122 on Mon Jan 09 2023

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

260 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Working hours today are too long and people are not spending as much time as they should with their families or on leisure activities.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Today more and more people want things instantly (eg: goods, service, news). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

Some think they can use as much fresh water as they want, but others say governments should limit water use because it’s not endless. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Caring for children is an important thing of the society it is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take child care training courses to what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, there is a growing concern about the quality of education. What are the reasons behind this issue, and what measures can be taken to improve the education system?