IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. To what exyent do you agree or diasgree?

#shops #food #drinks #people #health #exyent #diasgree
There is
statement
Add an article
a statement
the statement
show examples
 that shops can’t sell any food and drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s
health
. I definitely agree with
this
 statement. Because l
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that a person's
health
 is the most valuable thing he has. It must be protected from a young age.
First
 of all, it is a healthy diet. You should eat wholesome foods
such
 as vegetables, fruits, cereals,
meat
Correct word choice
and meat
show examples
. Avoid fatty, sweet or salty foods,
such
 as fast food various snacks, chips, crackers, and carbonated drinks. Do not forget that all food must be fresh. On your part, you need to monitor the expiration date of the
products
, throw them out if they are expired and do not
eat
Correct pronoun usage
themeat
show examples
.
On the other hand
, it is
also
 the responsibility of the stores, they have can not
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
sell expired
products
, as
this
 can cause poisoning for customers,
for example
. In
such
 situations the store may be held responsible for what happened, it is not profitable for it, so employees should check all
products
 and eliminate delays in time. But
this
 is not general,
first
 in importance, of course, will be the point about human
health
. So
that is
 why the store should take care of the quality of
products
, check them and look at
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. The
health
 and lives of many people depend on it.
Submitted by mariyanice001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: