IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?”

#people #debt #don’t #can’t #behavior #action
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people get into debt by buying things they do not need and can not afford.
This
Linking Words
 behaviour has a lot of causes. One of them
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not know how to plan a budget. Another,
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 influenced by advertisement and discounts organised by shops.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the main reason for unnecessary expenses is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of planning.
Firstly
Linking Words
, we should pay
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bills and we should plan how much
money
Use synonyms
 we need for food and basic needs.
Then
Linking Words
, we can spend
money
Use synonyms
 for our pleasure.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is
worthy
Replace the word
worth
show examples
to have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 savings in case of unplanned expenses.
Secondly
Linking Words
, people are influenced by
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 TV, social media or newspapers. It gives the impression that we need
this
Linking Words
 thing. We start to buy unnecessary things that exceed our financial capabilities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, shops organised
a big discounts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a big discount
big discounts
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
 we think that there is a great opportunity and we buy even more In connection, we should organise action to prevent people from having
Linking Words
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
. The solution to reckless sending is budgeting. Making a budget is simply organising your expenditure to be equivalent to the available income. Most individuals make lists of their needs to ensure that they do not deviate
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 buying what is not listed,
expected
Add an article
the expected
show examples
 amount is
also
Linking Words
 allotted to each item. Thereby making them know how much they will be spending and what is left.
This
Linking Words
, makes them spend wisely as they don't go above their budget. In turn, they conserve ample
sum
Fix the agreement mistake
sums
show examples
 and rely on what they can conveniently buy. To sum up, we live in a consumer society and we need to learn how to manage
money
Use synonyms
. The world encourages us to spend
money
Use synonyms
 and take credit. We must learn to spend them wisely.
Linking Words
Otherwise
Add a comma
,Otherwise
show examples
 we may fall into debt.
Submitted by justyna.szyszka98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: