IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Young people are often influenced by their peers. This is called peer group pressure. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In most
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
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,  youngsters are frequently
effected
Use the right word
affected
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 by their
same age
Use the right word
same-age
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 friends
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it can be named
pressure
Correct article usage
the pressure
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 of peer
team
Check wording
group
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 and disadvantages
side
Check wording
apply
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of impacting the
peers
Use synonyms
 to others and provide a logical conclusion. Two main advantages
side
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apply
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of having
peers
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 are working with
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 competitive feeling and encouragement.
Firstly
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, if children do participate or study on
one
Use synonyms
 place with some of the same age friends,
then
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 it may run as  useful for them because they surely be opponent for each other at that time and it create the perfect condition like competition, as result they try to do the everything more better,
therefore
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this
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 can be quite a worthile for like sport or study.
Moreover
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, they are able to develop their own skills with the help of working with
peers
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. Because of
duration
Correct article usage
the duration
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 of studying or doing some interesting things, they always support their partner with some motivational words who
commerce
Verb problem
are committed
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 to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
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 their own effectiveness.
However
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, there are
also
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 some negative
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 of working with
peers
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like
Punctuation problem
, like
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effecting
Use the right word
affecting
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 the bad behaviour and
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change
Wrong verb form
changing
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 their environment. Duration of being with people who are the same age can be significantly too for their behaviour.
That is
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 to say, if someone
do their
Wrong verb form
does
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 everything with
peers
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 after they may
change
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 their own
conduct
Punctuation problem
conduct,
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 even
Correct word choice
if which
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which
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 can be
role
Correct article usage
a role
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 model
person
Check wording
apply
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for others to worse
one
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.
Furthermore
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, by being
together with
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peers
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 all the time,
one
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 of them may
change
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 their own environment to
strange
Correct article usage
a strange
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one
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, and it can create some challenges to anything
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
speak
Wrong verb form
speaking
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 with someone.
To conclude
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,
although
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 there are some advantages of working
together with
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peers
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like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
Use synonyms
change
Wrong verb form
changing
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 the behaviour and environment, I feel that
can
Correct pronoun usage
it can
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 be handy for them to do anything with high spirits.

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content
Your answer does not clearly say if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. State your view in the conclusion so the reader knows your position.
coherence
Work on how you connect ideas. Use simple links like also, but, however, for example to join ideas.
content
Give clearer examples. Use concrete details about peer pressure in school or sport.
grammar
Check grammar. Keep sentences short and fix common errors like spelling and word form.
content
The essay tries to show both sides of the issue.
structure
There is a start and end to the piece (introduction and conclusion).
content
Some ideas on competition and help from peers are clear.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • peer
  • peers
  • group
  • pressure
  • influence
  • positive
  • negative
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • benefit
  • harm
  • choice
  • decision
  • safe
  • risk
  • study
  • work
  • class
  • club
  • team
  • belong
  • trust
  • help
  • advice
  • say no
  • self
  • confidence
  • future
  • model
  • example
  • rule
  • limit
  • agree
  • talk
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