IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Science gives people life expectancy of close to one hundred years or even more. Some people view it in a positive light, but others believe it creates some problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#science #people #life #expectancy #years #light
Many people are of the opinion that due to the development of science and technology in the near
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
 humans will have a longer term of life. In my opinion, I wholeheartedly believe that 100 years of lifespan brings both pros and cons to society. On a societal level, senior citizens are invaluable resources. Thanks to their extensive experiences, the older generation will make a great contribution in important fields,
such
 as science, engineering, biochemistry, politics and education. We often see top executives at the age of 50 or over offering consultancy for newly established companies for the businesses to operate effectively. Another typical example is that an experienced teacher with vast knowledge is always the one that coaches students who go to international competitions. Not to mention, oldsters
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long-standing
traditionals
Correct your spelling
traditions
, cultural values or morals in young people thereby preserving the core values of a country. I would contend that
this
 growing trend can contribute to various problems. The
first
 obvious one is the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 population which leads to a shortage of young workers in certain sections,
such
 as construction trades or the
creativity
Replace the word
creative
show examples
 workforce.
Moreover
, old people will put a heavy burden on the healthcare system. With a weak immune system, the elderly are susceptible to many diseases and from that require a large amount of money from the national budget to support and treat them. In conclusion, even though there are both upsides and downsides
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 longevity, I believe in the near future, we will find the solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these problems.
Submitted by myngoc3003 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: