IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Science gives people life expectancy of close to one hundred years or even more. Some people view it in a positive light, but others believe it creates some problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many people are of the opinion that due to the development of science and technology in the near
future
Add a comma
,future

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase due to the development of science and technology in the near future. Consider adding a comma.

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 humans will have a longer term of life. In my opinion, I wholeheartedly believe that 100 years of lifespan brings both pros and cons to society. On a societal level, senior citizens are invaluable resources. Thanks to their extensive experiences, the older generation will make a great contribution in important fields,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as science, engineering, biochemistry, politics and education. We often see top executives at the age of 50 or over offering consultancy for newly established companies for the businesses to operate effectively. Another typical example is that an experienced teacher with vast knowledge is always the one that coaches students who go to international competitions. Not to mention, oldsters
instill
Change the spelling
instil

The spelling of instill is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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long-standing
traditionals
Correct your spelling
traditions

If you don’t want traditionals to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, cultural values or morals in young people thereby preserving the core values of a country. I would contend that
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 growing trend can contribute to various problems. The
first
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 obvious one is the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing

The spelling of aging is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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 population which leads to a shortage of young workers in certain sections,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as construction trades or the
creativity
Replace the word
creative

The word creativity doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 workforce.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, old people will put a heavy burden on the healthcare system. With a weak immune system, the elderly are susceptible to many diseases and from that require a large amount of money from the national budget to support and treat them. In conclusion, even though there are both upsides and downsides
in
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 longevity, I believe in the near future, we will find the solution
for
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 these problems.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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