IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Sugary drinks should be made more expendsive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#drinks #expendsive #people #sugar
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Nowadays, the competition in sugary drink markets is obviously increasing, and the prices of the products are
also
Linking Words
 affordable. Someone agrees that cheaper cost is the decisive factor in
enormous
Correct article usage
the enormous
show examples
 consumption of sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 the prices should be risen to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to consume
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 carbohydrates. Personally, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 strategy, I believe that
health
Use synonyms
 education and awareness, as well as, healthy substitute sweeteners should be emphasised to make
people
Use synonyms
 have less
sugar
Use synonyms
 in their diet or choose wisely when they crave
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sweet
drinks
Use synonyms
.
Health
Use synonyms
euducation
Correct your spelling
education
 should be taught more to
people
Use synonyms
 to
encouraged
Wrong verb form
encourage
show examples
 them to have high awareness
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
health
Use synonyms
. Due to lacking comprehensive knowledge and medical concerns, they intake an immense amount of
carbohydarates
Correct your spelling
carbohydrates
 in each
meals
Change to a singular noun
meal
show examples
. If
people
Use synonyms
 learn that high blood glucose can lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life-threatening problems, disabilities and death,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
show examples
 stroke, heart attack, and leg amputation from Diabetic Mellitus (DM), they may constantly control their
carbohydrates
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrate
show examples
 eating behaviours, and
sweentened
Correct your spelling
sweetened
drinks
Use synonyms
 may be less consumed eventually.
People
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged more to eat food that
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 healthier substitute
sugar
Use synonyms
. A prime example of
this
Linking Words
sweeteners
Fix the agreement mistake
sweetener
show examples
 is stevia, which is
sugary
Correct article usage
a sugary
show examples
 plant and is calorie and
Use synonyms
sugar free
Add a hyphen
sugar-free
show examples
. It is suitable for
people
Use synonyms
 who control weight and blood
sugar
Use synonyms
 levels.
Stevia sweetened
Add a hyphen
Stevia-sweetened
show examples
drinks
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
 of typical sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
, could become a wise choice for
people
Use synonyms
 who love sweetness but prefer to be healthy. In conclusion, the consumption of high carbs diet including sugary
liquid
Fix the agreement mistake
liquids
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 leads to major
health
Use synonyms
 diseases, disabilities and death.
Health
Use synonyms
 education and awareness would be the key priorities to make
people
Use synonyms
 decrease
Use synonyms
sugar
Correct pronoun usage
their sugar
show examples
 intake.
In addition
Linking Words
, the choices of healthy substitute sweeteners should be more used in sugary goods to provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better choices for customers while remaining
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reasonable prices of sugary products.
Submitted by vollesunita on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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