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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people are using credit cards or loans to run up huge personal debts that they may be unable to repay. It should therefore be made more difficult for individuals to borrow large amounts of money. What are your opinions on this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#people #credit #cards #loans #debts #individuals #amounts #money
It is true that many
people
 suffer
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 financial problems due to
unable
Add a missing verb
being unable
show examples
 to clear a huge amount of
loans
 in recent
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
. Some
people
 believe that
bank
Fix the agreement mistake
banks
show examples
 should tighten the approval loan process
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
huge
Add an article
the huge
show examples
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
. Personally, I disagree with
this
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
.
Firstly
, they will be black market occurs if
Add an article
the bank
show examples
bank
Fix the agreement mistake
banks
show examples
 made individuals hard to lend money. In the reality, some individuals will borrow money directly from illegal parties, these parties typically set a very
high interest
Add a hyphen
high-interest
show examples
 rate and approval the applicants easily. As the maturity date
around
Add a missing verb
is around
show examples
 the corner, the borrowers
unable
Add a missing verb
were unable
show examples
 to pay the money because of
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
high interest
Add a hyphen
high-interest
show examples
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 had
double
Wrong verb form
doubled
show examples
 the total
repay
Replace the word
repayment
show examples
 amount.
Consequently
,
third
 parties will consistently
interfering
Change the verb form
interfere
be interfering
show examples
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
borrowers
Change to a genitive case
borrower's
borrowers'
show examples
 life and in the
worse case
Correct the spelling
worst-case
show examples
 scenario, they might
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 persecution of family members, which
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 more social issues.
On the other hand
,
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the difficulties to borrow
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
 could greatly reduce the number of
people
Correct pronoun usage
who bankcrupt
show examples
bankcrupt
Correct your spelling
bankrupt
.
This
 is because
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 the
people
 who do not meet the requirements,
bank
Add an article
the bank
a bank
show examples
 should not easily
approval
Replace the word
approve
show examples
 their
loans
. To
further
illustarte
Correct your spelling
illustrate
,
bank
Add an article
the bank
a bank
show examples
 should check the
applicants
Change to a genitive case
applicant's
applicants'
show examples
 background details closely in order to make sure the person
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the ability to pay off their
loans
.
Add an article
The bank
A bank
show examples
Bank
Fix the agreement mistake
Banks
show examples
 should
also
 limit an individual credit
cards
Change the noun form
card
show examples
 quota based on their income level.
Hence
,
people
 should be able to clear their
loans
 by the end of the maturity date without any issues. In conclusion, I do not believe that
bank
 should
made
Change the verb form
make
be made
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
it more
show examples
more tough
Replace the words
tougher
show examples
 for individuals to lend
a massive
Correct the article-noun agreement
massive loans
a massive loan
show examples
loans
 as
this
 will only lead
more
Change preposition
to more
show examples
people
Add the particle
to suffer
show examples
suffer
Wrong verb form
suffering
show examples
 in their life and might possibly
generates
Change the verb form
generate
show examples
 more uncertain social problems.
Submitted by hong2016600 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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