IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

#growth #shops #towns #cities
The advance of new technologies
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 us the possibility to make purchases by just tapping a
botton
Correct your spelling
button
 and some
people
 that
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
this
 will lead
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the closing of shops in the towns and cities in the near future. I strongly believe that
this
 is a reality that will happen
as a result
 of
this
 new way of living. Nowadays, it seems very old fashion going to the mall to purchase
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 item. Not too long ago, it used to be a special
occassion
Correct your spelling
occasion
 having to dress up and go to the city to get
a gifts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a gift
gifts
show examples
 or to gather with friends for a drink. In
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
 world, with the use of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer and mobile phones you can access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
items and food by just using an application on your device.
Moreover
,
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 new
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
 is changing the way that we are socializing with our peers.
For instance
, recent
researchs
Correct your spelling
research
researches
 are showing a modification in our psychological and social
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 matter.
Furthermore
, members of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society are changing their
abitity
Correct your spelling
ability
 to talk and develop new relationships because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social interaction has been interrupted by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological developments. If
this
 situation
continuous
Replace the word
continues
show examples
 as currently is happening, any type of business will be closing down their door in no time
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 it will not be
neccesary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to go leave the
housen
Correct your spelling
house
 to obtain products or services. What is more,
people
 believe that it is a waste of time and money, when they can order anything online from the
comfortability
Replace the word
comfort
show examples
 of their homes.
Last
buy
Correct your spelling
but
show examples
 not least, human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 are becoming more isolated and their desire
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 socializing is
decressing
Correct your spelling
decreasing
 in the
last
 20 years. It is true that online shopping is not for everyone and there are
people
 that still prefer to go to the city and enjoy a lovely day trip, but
this
 is only common among the elder population
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Big
Add an article
A big
show examples
 part of our community
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
 to do online shopping. In conclusion, I strongly believe that technology will
continous
Correct your spelling
continuously
affecting
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
 the way we shop and interact with other
people
 and we will remember
for ever
Correct your spelling
forever
show examples
 when we used to wear our best outfit to go to the city to have a lovely afternoon with our loved ones.
Submitted by nildastefanini80 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • physical stores
  • online retailers
  • retail apocalypse
  • digital economy
  • consumer behavior
  • sustainability
  • commercial landscape
  • high-street
  • consumer trends
  • augmented reality
  • showrooms
  • carbon footprint
What to do next:
Look at other essays: