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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
There has been more and more emphasis on health care
todays
Correct your spelling
today
 which means high levels of
sugar
 and carbohydrate should be controlled in
food stuff
Correct your spelling
foodstuff
show examples
as a result
 of causing
variety
Replace the word
various
show examples
health
Change preposition
of health
show examples
 issues. Some argue that charging
on
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 additional fee could be an effective way
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
discouraged
Wrong verb form
discourage
show examples
 society
avoiding
Change preposition
from avoiding
show examples
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
Change preposition
of this
show examples
this kinds
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
production
Replace the word
products
show examples
 as well as companies
creating
Change preposition
from creating
show examples
 unhealthy stuff.
It's seems
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It seems
show examples
 to me that,
this
 policy would be helpful in cases like
this
. To commence with, there has been an unprecedented rise in risky health
issue
Change the noun form
issues
show examples
such
 as obesity and
diabete
Correct your spelling
diabetes
 over the past few decades, scientists overwhelmingly believe that consuming on less
nutrient
Replace the word
nutritious
show examples
 diet have
couse
Correct your spelling
caused
 it. Using unhealthy foods containing
sugar
 and carb regularly could exacerbate
this
 problem.
Restrict
Wrong verb form
Restricting
show examples
 sugary fare in people's
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
show examples
 by making them more costly than healthy products probably could be an effective remedy whereby we able to decrease consuming them. The vast majority of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to economical purchase,
therefore
 if poor healthy products are costly and they need to pay more expenditure for them,
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 are less likely to buy them.
Furthermore
, it is more possible that companies keen to make up less sugary and
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
healthier
production
Replace the word
products
show examples
.
For instance
, Coca-Cola company has
lunched
Correct your spelling
launched
show examples
 the Coca Zero product line to meet the demand for whom like to drink
sugar free
Add a hyphen
sugar-free
show examples
 drinks.
On the other hand
, it might be true to
saying
Change the form of the verb
say
show examples
 that everyone has to be free to
choosing
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 whatever they want and price control may
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 away
this
 freedom and acknowledging and informing society are
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
.
Except
Change preposition
Besides
show examples
this
,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of fee control on bad nutrient merchandise would be beneficial not only to have well-being notion and reducing
diseas
Correct your spelling
disease
 rate but
also
guidance
Replace the word
guide
show examples
 people to have healthy
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 and avoiding from sugary food and negative habits. In conclusion, as long as I am concerned, products which
full
Add a missing verb
are full
show examples
 of
sugar
 and carbohydrate could have a huge risk
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 life and causes many
disease
Change to a plural noun
diseases
show examples
 while we can handle it with price control to make society reluctant not to use
this
 market.
Submitted by ahmadpour.irsa on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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