IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in case homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages or this trend?

#people #families #case #homes #trend
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It is agreed that the main goals of human beings are
survive
Fix the infinitive
to survive
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 and give
a
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apply
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birth
for
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to
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 their children. Of course, we have other purposes as well, but nature gave us
such
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 targets on an instinct level. It was normal that families had been living together under one roof because it was better for surviving and looking after offspring and for the elderly as well.
However
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new
Add an article
the new
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 trend in developed countries has been changing
from
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since
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 the
second
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 part of twenty century and usually family separates.
Moreover
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, the popularity of nursing homes is rising
ang
Correct your spelling
and
among
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation is looking after their predecessors less
that
Correct word choice
than
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 it was before.
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Such
Add an article
The such
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 tendency has their own perks and quirks which we discuss in the essay.
First
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 of all, it is always difficult to break
a
Correct article usage
the
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 link between parents and children, and not only for
Add an article
the child
a child
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child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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. We are getting the idea of one family from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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childhood, so putting your elderly
to
Change preposition
in
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 a nursing home could be treated as a
betray
Replace the word
betrayal
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from
Change preposition
by
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 him,
and
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apply
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which is equally important,
from
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in
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the
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apply
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society as well.
Secondly
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, if you have great relations between generations, it is always good to keep them and nursing your elderly is
very
Add an article
a very
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 good way to do
this
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. From
other point
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another point
other points
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 of
view
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,view
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 the modern world dictates its own terms.
Although
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 we extended our day with electricity, we have less time than our ancestors. The pressure from
the
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apply
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society is so high that depression becomes
commodity
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a commodity
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 among our generation. In
such
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Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
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circumstance
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,circumstance
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 we have less ability to look after our elderly.
In addition
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life expectancy has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased
for
Change preposition
over
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 the
last
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 decades, so old people have diseases that
was
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were
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 rare many years ago
,
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apply
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 because humans just died before
get
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getting
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 them.
Such
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 illnesses sometimes need special care which
difficult
Add a missing verb
is difficult
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 to achieve at home. To sum up, I want to say that
look
Wrong verb form
looking
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 after your elderly
undoubtedly
Add a missing verb
is undoubtedly
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 a good tradition, but it will be substituted by case and nursing homes in the future. It would be normal for our society to put
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 there.
Submitted by vitalysavchenko on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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