IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe schools should be given multiple short vacations, while others believe they should get one long vacation. Give the advantages of both and express your own point of view. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #schools #vacations #vacation #point
Nowadays, the
education
 system changes rapidly with the advancement of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science and technology. Freedom is the main thing that we need
though
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 we are students, workers or any other responsible person,
that is
 why every student
education
providers
Change to a singular noun
provider
show examples
 have the vacation by dividing the syllabus into mainly three, four,
two
Correct word choice
or two
show examples
 terms according to the national educational curriculums. On the one hand, people suggest that
short
Add a hyphen
short-term
show examples
term
vacations
 by separating terms into
sub parts
Add a hyphen
sub-parts
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 better than giving a
long
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
term
 vacation. The persons who agree with
this
 point
explaining
Wrong verb form
explain
show examples
 how it is important for the physical and mental well-being of children and teachers. Because teachers have enough time to prepare for the lessons and they can do the experiments and build up innovative learning
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 during
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
vacations
.
Moreover
, learners can enjoy their childhood and take a short break as they have to follow their
education
education
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
goals stressfully. According to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, they always show their tendency to take a chance for a change. Not only multiple short
vacations
 but
also
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
term
 vacation
also
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us as it gives
more
Correct pronoun usage
us more
show examples
 time to spend with our family members and travel according to our desires.
However
, it may indicate some drawbacks.
On the other hand
, according to my point of view, if rulers can mix
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
term
vacations
 and
short
Add a hyphen
short-term
show examples
term
vacations
, it becomes more productive following one type. The feeling about the holidays is a
mortivation
Correct your spelling
motivation
 for some children and
education
 providers.
Furthermore
, formal
education
 and informal
education
 which have been taken from travelling, observation of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
, spending time with elders and absorbing information from them, are some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the example
show examples
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 help to develop the frequency of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
brain. The concept of self-learning is useful and affected positively
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if the government make the arrangements to give proper
vacations
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 schools. To sum up. I suppose that multiple short holidays will help to maintain the
education
 system in a
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 way.
Submitted by kavindianjalee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: